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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

in many countries, the level of crime is increasing. why do you think is and what can be done about it?

#countries #level #crime
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Nowadays, the incidence of crimes in societies is growing rapidly.
This
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 essay will mention the main reasons behind these phenomena including unemployment and
poverty
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. It will
also
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 suggest some solutions to tackle these problems including raising the standard of living. the problem of unemployment is hitting many graduates aggressively. Large numbers of graduates stay without jobs after finishing their universities
due to
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 a lack of available job vacancies in companies leaving them without a source of income.
Together with
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 the deterioration of moral values like dignity and honesty,
this
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 pushes them to seek an easy way for money and commit crimes
such
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 as burglary and robbery.
Additionally
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, the fact that the percentage of
poverty
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 is increasing makes the situation even worse. South Africa is one of the countries that has a high crime rate which has been attributed to
poverty
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 and inequality.
However
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, to overcome these issues many efforts should be made. Human resources managers should consider Opening more job opportunities in companies and organizations and lowering the criteria for acceptance in interviews so students can
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in work as soon as they graduate.
Also
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, a second approach to consider is to increase the minimum wage of the employees, which will result in raising the standard of living and decrease the risk of
poverty
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.
Subsequently
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, financial stability will be secured preventing people from committing illegal actions to earn money. In conclusion, many countries are suffering from a high crime rate recently.
This
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 essay discussed how unemployment and
poverty
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 are to be blamed in
this
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 situation. It
also
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 suggested that by increasing the job opportunities and salaries of the employees these problems can be solved.
Submitted by rereosama.ih on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the reasons behind the increase in crime and potential solutions.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of lexical resources.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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