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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
The groups of individuals who choose to try
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other methods of medications and treatments
instead
 of going to their general practitioners have been increasing recently. In my opinion,
this
 is a horrible change
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enormous problems, which I will explain in
this
 essay. The most important side-effect of
this
 is the irreversible consequences.
For example
, the patients who have serious diseases, like cancer or mental issues, need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific medication, which must be prescribed by their specialists.
However
, some of these groups decide not to continue their
treatment
 and use other methods.
Consequently
,
progression
Correct article usage
the progression
show examples
 of their diseases and even death, which there are no solutions for them.
Last
 year, The BBC reported the rate of death
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 cancer in 2019.
This
 number was 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the groups of the folk, who chose other ways of treating
instead
 of consultation with their doctors. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that,
this
 number was around 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for patients with the right
treatment
. Admittedly, increasing the
deceased
Correct quantifier usage
number of deceased
show examples
 patients is a negative development for every country.
On the other hand
, I do
undrestand
Correct your spelling
understand
 the
people
, choosing the different methods for their
treatment
. Because, in many situations, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sick
people
 want to book an appointment with their doctors, it might take months. Undoubtedly, everyone looks for quicker solutions to solve the problems.
However
,
this
 way may lead an enormous pecuniary problems. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 way always is very expensive and
also
 choosing
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
treatment
 may cause ominous results.
To sum up
, recently, the number of
people
 with health issues, using other ways of medications and treatments
instead
 of going to their doctors is rising.
Albeit
Change preposition
Although
show examples
, some elements, like having faster
treatment
 may motivate
people
 to do that, notwithstanding, the negative effects, like death,
as a result
 of the wrong
treatment
, have a huge effect on the development of the nations in my opinion.
Submitted by fbagheri285 on

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by considering potential benefits of alternative medicine.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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