IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that they should take risks in their profession and their lives. while others think it is bad for their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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These days, the public has various perspectives about risk. A group of them prefer to take it in their jobs and
lives
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while
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 others believe that it has a negative effect on occupations or
lives
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. I subscribe to the first idea owing to the fact that it changes the broadens people's horizons and aids populations to have a better situation or worse ones. On the one hand, when the public takes a risk based on the strength planes in their
lives
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, they are pushed out of their comfort zones.
In other words
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, it encourages the population to receive new experiences and use their several opportunities to become better in some work.
In addition
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, it creates a chance for communities to obtain situations that have a good lifestyle quality and are in the best financial status.
For example
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, people who established the biggest corporations around the world take a lot of risks and spend all their time on them to become successful.
On the other hand
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, the individual might get an adverse consequence when they risk-taking without schedules in their
lives
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 and just started one work.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 situation, the financial strain and job security put people under pressure.
For instance
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, most teenagers influenced by their peers' pressure do a range of risky work like competing in some competitions that have a negative effect on their
lives
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 and lose their money.
To sum up
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, in my personal view, risk-taking with planes is the best tools that provide opportunities for populations to upgrade their quality of lifestyles and the economy.
Whereas
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, risk
that is
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 based on exiting has an adverse impact on their
lives
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 and money.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that you are using transitional phrases and connectors to smoothly guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
In your task response, ensure that each point is clearly developed with relevant examples and explanations to better support your views.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to expand on specific examples and how they illustrate the risk-taking benefits or downsides. You have a good structure, but more detailed examples would add clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction that sets up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully reiterates your position while summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You have presented balanced views by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which reflects a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comfort zone
  • Innovative ideas
  • Professional satisfaction
  • Quality of life
  • Unforeseen negative consequences
  • Financial loss
  • Job insecurity
  • Personal distress
  • Stable approach
  • Risk-averse
  • Recklessness
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Careful planning
  • Evaluation
  • Progress
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