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Band 4.5

Despite the benefits for health, fewer people today than ever before exercise by walking. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more walking?

#health #people #exercise
These days,
while
 there are some advantages of engaging in exercises including walking, jogging or running, the number of
people
 who do these activities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 decreasing. In
this
 essay,
i'll
Change the capitalization
I'll
show examples
 shed light on the causes of
this
 situation and
also
 propose some solutions for
this
 problem. First of all, there are two main reasons why
people
are tending
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 not to take part in
such
 activities as walking or jogging. One of
causes
Add an article
the causes
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 can be laziness which
is motivating
Wrong verb form
motivates
show examples
people
 to be addicted to
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 much time at home.
Such
 a sedentary lifestyle is contributing to obesity among individuals.
Secondly
, a multitude number of cars are being produced significantly.
Due to
this
 development, folks are more likely to commute to
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
, university or schools with the help of cars.
According to
 these arguments, humans prefer being at home or using
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cars rather than
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 walking.
On the other hand
, with regard to
tackle
Change the verb form
tackling
show examples
 the issues,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should implement
such
 measures as instituting gifts or sporting events. By announcing awards, authority can arouse citizen's interests in terms of stepping.In order to generate enthusiasm regarding
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of steps, sporting
occurrence
Fix the agreement mistake
occurrences
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 should be organized.
This
 is because, if folks are aware of the occasion, they reinforce a tendency by the time it happens. From
this
 perspective,
people
 may learn
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of exercises
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 walking. In conclusion, doing these activities is one of the most important ways of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
This
 essay revealed secrets
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
people
 do not walk a lot and addressed two keys for handling
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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay to make it more organized.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and try to avoid repetitive language.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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