Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads to idea that they are responsible for bringing up the children. Disagree or agree?

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It is quite difficult for a
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
facing the physical pain
as well as
physiological changes that pregnancy brings for the period of nine months.
In other words
,
Women
tend to sacrifice their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
,
miss
Correct word choice
and miss
show examples
certain events and occasions to
smoothly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth to their
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
. I completely disagree with the opinion that as
women
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
taking up the decision to have babies or not
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
women
are only responsible for nurturing their
children
.
Firstly
,
women
also
tend to have
aspiration
Fix the agreement mistake
aspirations
show examples
to grow and succeed in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
As in
Change preposition
In
show examples
today’s modern world men and
women
are equally responsible for the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
birth and their better nurturing as
women
tend to do a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job
along with
focusing on house chores. So men should be responsible for the
children
bringing up. In
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries where there are working parents
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Father and Mother alternatively
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
off from their work so that none of their
career
Change to a plural noun
careers
show examples
gets disturbed.
Hence
it is important for a father to take care of their child.
Secondly
, a female has
also
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
life to work on.
In other words
, female
also
thinks
to go
Change preposition
about going
show examples
for
physical
Add an article
a physical
show examples
workout or else spend some time with
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
family or friends.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
females are breaking the old traditional thought of staying at home, cooking and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
after their kids.
However
, these days both parents decide mutually on their preferences and activities so that none gets affected by each other.
For instance
, men
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to look after the kid at home when
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
mother goes out
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping. In conclusion, both parents are important for the upbringing of the
children
because
women
Change the verb form
have
show examples
has
Add the particle
has to
show examples
look
Change preposition
at her
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
professional
as well as
personal life.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
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