Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads to idea that they are responsible for bringing up the children. Disagree or agree?

#fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #babies #children

It is quite difficult for a

women

Fix the agreement mistake

woman

show examples

facing the physical pain

as well as

physiological changes that pregnancy brings for the period of nine months.

In other words

Women

tend to sacrifice their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

miss

Correct word choice

and miss

show examples

certain events and occasions to

smoothly

Rephrase

apply

show examples

give

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

birth to their

baby

Fix the agreement mistake

babies

show examples

. I completely disagree with the opinion that as

women

Change the verb form

are

show examples

taking up the decision to have babies or not

Rephrase

apply

show examples

women

are only responsible for nurturing their

children

Firstly

women

also

tend to have

aspiration

Fix the agreement mistake

aspirations

show examples

to grow and succeed in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

As in

Change preposition

show examples

today’s modern world men and

women

are equally responsible for the

children

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children's

show examples

birth and their better nurturing as

women

tend to do a

full time

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

job

along with

focusing on house chores. So men should be responsible for the

children

bringing up. In

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

countries where there are working parents

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Father and Mother alternatively

takes

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take

show examples

off from their work so that none of their

career

Change to a plural noun

careers

show examples

gets disturbed.

Hence

it is important for a father to take care of their child.

Secondly

, a female has

also

personal

Correct article usage

a personal

show examples

life to work on.

In other words

, female

also

thinks

to go

Change preposition

about going

show examples

for

physical

Add an article

a physical

show examples

workout or else spend some time with

her

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

family or friends.

Now a days

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

females are breaking the old traditional thought of staying at home, cooking and

look

Wrong verb form

looking

show examples

after their kids.

However

, these days both parents decide mutually on their preferences and activities so that none gets affected by each other.

For instance

, men

tends

Change the verb form

tend

show examples

to look after the kid at home when

her

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

mother goes out

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

shopping. In conclusion, both parents are important for the upbringing of the

children

because

women

Change the verb form

have

show examples

has

Add the particle

has to

show examples

look

Change preposition

at her

show examples

her

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

professional

as well as

personal life.

Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on Sat Oct 14 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads to idea that they are responsible for bringing up the children. Disagree or agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

When we meet someone for the first time, we generally decide very quickly what kind of person we think they are and if we like them or not. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Increasing taxes would raise prices and lower consumption.

Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment ? What can be done by individuals and government to solve this problem ?

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?