In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some countries,
children
are taught that they have to try hard if they want to achieve their goals. In my opinion, this
statement can encourage children
to overcome difficulties rather than give up and build them to be a resilient person. As a result
, these characters can contribute to their success
in the future. However
, at the same time, it also
can contribute to the mental illness of the children
such
as frustration, anxiety, and self-blame.
To begin
with, being a successful person can be attributed by
our hard Change preposition
to
work
. Encouraging children
to stay persistent when facing challenges can make
them overcome difficulties and find solutions to problems. Verb problem
help
Furthermore
, they can learn from their mistakes and use setbacks as opportunities for growth. Moreover
, teaching
Change preposition
by teaching
children
by bouncing
back from adversity, they can build resilience and come back stronger. As an example, my sister had experience in making croissants. After several trials, she always failed. Change preposition
to bounce
Nevertheless
, she never gave up and she had learned from her mistake. When she tried again, she could handle the obstacle. Eventually, she succeeded in making a good croissant. She was so happy and she felt proud of her perseverance. Therefore
, by picking themselves up and persevering, they can achieve their goals and experience success
.
Conversely
, there are also
a number of potential downsides for children
to this
massage, namely mental illness. If children
are constantly told that they can achieve anything through hard work
alone, it may lead them to overlook the role that other factors play in success
, such
as education, luck, privilege, and society. Additionally
, this
could ultimately result in feelings of frustration, self-blame, and demotivation if they do not achieve the outcomes they desire. To illustrate, I have read an article that said Japanese students had an enormous amount of pressure at a very early age to perform well academically from their parents to achieve a better chance at the shrinking pool of good jobs. Therefore
, most of them experienced several mental illnesses such
as feelings of anxiety and stress.
To sum up
, the message that children
can attain anything through hard work
has its advantages in terms of building confidence, resilience, and motivation. Nonetheless
, it is essential to consider the potential drawbacks particularly
in mental illness. I hope that parents and teachers Add the comma(s)
, particularly
would
motivate Wrong verb form
will
children
to work
hard but also
take into consideration other factors that are important for their success
.Submitted by nira.delina16 on
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content
Consider providing a stronger counterargument to the disadvantages of giving children this message.
tone
Use phrasing that is more formal and academic.
grammar
Ensure that sentence structures are varied.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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