Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some proponents argue that young people should be given the chance to perform unpaid employment during their free
time
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in today’s era of modernization for the benefit of the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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and society.
While
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I disagree that
this
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should be
compulsory
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a compulsory
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job, I agree that working for charity would encourage the development of society and its members. On the one hand, in my opinion, it would be wrong
to
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for
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teenagers
for obliging
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to oblige
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to volunteer.
Firstly
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, most
of
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apply
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young people are under the pressure of studying as they are fully occupied
of
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with
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schedule
Correct pronoun usage
their schedule
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in school and do not have enough
time
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for relaxation.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, In spite of learning at school, students still need to do abundant homework which
allow
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allows
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them to have only thirty minutes per day to blow off their steam.
This
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leads to
seriously
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serious
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overload and even
affect
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affects
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not only their physical but
also
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their mental illness.
In addition
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, it turns
to
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out to
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be worse if they obtain inadequate social work. Without payment, teenagers often lack
of
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apply
show examples
motivation which
cause
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causes
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to
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apply
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bad results.
As a consequence
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, some people could contest the
overall
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efficacy of the required unpaid
labor
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labour
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, claiming that it would not always produce the expected outcomes in terms of character development and
community
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improvement.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that young adults should contribute to their
community
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. First and foremost,
talking
Correct your spelling
taking
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part in social work can teach them multiple life skills.
For example
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, they learn to be punctual to cooperate with other team members, If they encounter a problem, they have to come up with a certain solution.
Such
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soft skills can help them to be more mature in
their
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the
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future.
In addition
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, juveniles can develop a sense of responsibility.
For example
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, they can recognize the necessity of not littering or destroying public
properties
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property
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.
As a result
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, their
community
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can stand a better chance of
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
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and cleaner environment. In conclusion,
although
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doing the job in the spare
time
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brings some disadvantages for adolescents. I still believe that taking on volunteer activities in
the
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my
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spare
time
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can be a good way to raise awareness for not only young individuals but
also
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whole
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the whole
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community
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.
Submitted by ngocdung30802 on

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction. Make sure to clearly state your position in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks supporting details for the main points. Provide specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
grammatical range and accuracy
The essay has several grammatical errors. Review your grammar and sentence structure.
lexical resource
The essay uses repetitive language and could benefit from a wider range of vocabulary. Try using synonyms and more advanced vocabulary.
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