IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that in
this
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 modern era, the trend of fast
food
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 is at its peak. Some people claim that the effect of junk
food
Use synonyms
 on the surroundings, families
as well as
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 eating habits is not ignorable. I agree with
this
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 statement to a certain extent,
this
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 essay will discuss my position in detail. To commence with, the packaging of fast
food
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 is mostly found to be plastic, which is harmful to the environment
due to
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 its non-biodegradable nature which restricts it from splitting into smaller pieces;
therefore
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 it remains as
such
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 in our environment and pollutes the land, air and water to a great extent. Not only the environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 health gets affected
due to
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 the intake of junk
food
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, given that the nutritional value is zero and calories are more in these items;
thus
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 leading to obesity and heart diseases. To exemplify, WHO has stated that the obesity level is rising among juveniles who are found glued
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 TV every now and
then
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while
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 having burgers, and noodles;
thus
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 it is a result of their eating habits.
However
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, the availability of fast
food
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 is considered advantageous by many.
Although
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 the families are quite occupied in their lives, the option of fast
food
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 allows them to spend quality
time
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 together as there is no need to cook at home by taking out spare
time
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, which could be utilized by sitting among family members.
Additionally
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, sometimes it would be arduous to prepare lunch before leaving for a job
due to
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 lack of
time
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;
however
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 the problem could be solved by stopping at any fast
food
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 restaurant to get the instantly cooked meal, and if there is any extra
time
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, it could be utilized by them in gyms to improve their health. To illustrate, nowadays most people are seen at the drive-through of Tim Horton’s or Burger King's during lunch hours which demonstrates that
this
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 is an easy option for them to get their meal. To encapsulate, as every coin has two sides,
similarly
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, the option of fast
food
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 is a bane
as well as
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 a boon for many; it depends upon individuals whether to eat the junk in a balanced way to save their health or in an excessive amount to ruin themselves and the surroundings.

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Task Achievement
Consider refining your introduction to provide a clearer thesis statement. Rather than stating 'to a certain extent,' you might clarify your position more definitively. This helps guide the reader's understanding of your perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. While your main points are well identified, transitioning between them more smoothly would enhance the overall flow. Using transition phrases can guide the reader more effectively from one idea to another.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples for stronger support. For instance, when mentioning WHO's statement, a brief explanation of the implications or statistics would provide more context and strengthen your argument.
Content
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, and you present a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of fast food.
Language
The vocabulary used is appropriate and varied, which adds to the overall quality of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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