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Writing Samples
Band 6

19 .As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at least one problem that may result.

#world #advance #computer #jobs
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Week 6 - The Hands that Feed us In recent years, as I've become more aware of the issues surrounding the products we consume, I've developed a more conscious and ethical approach to my food and beverage choices. One topic that has especially caught my attention is the ethical concerns related to the
coffee
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 industry. After reading and watching various documentaries on
coffee
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 production, it's disheartening to realize the hardships that many
coffee
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 workers endure to bring that beloved
cup
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 of morning
coffee
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 to our tables. These workers often toil in harsh conditions, with low pay and little job security,
while
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 the multinational corporations that dominate the
coffee
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 market profit immensely. One of the documentaries I watched shed light on the struggles faced by
coffee
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 farmers and
laborers
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labourers
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 in Central and South American countries. The documentary highlighted issues
such
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 as child
labor
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labour
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, inadequate wages, and the use of harmful pesticides without proper protection for the workers. It's disheartening to think that something as simple as a
cup
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 of
coffee
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 may be connected to these ethical dilemmas. As a consumer, I believe we have a moral responsibility to be informed about the products we buy and the conditions under which they are produced.
While
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 we may not be able to change the entire industry on our own, making informed choices and supporting ethical brands can help bring about positive change. By choosing
coffee
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 products that are Fair Trade certified,
for instance
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, we can contribute to a more equitable and humane
coffee
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 industry. The quote that resonates with me comes from one of the documentaries: "When we drink a
cup
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 of
coffee
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, it's like we're drinking the sweat and tears of the people who produce it."
This
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 quote serves as a reminder that our daily choices as consumers have a real impact on the lives of those who produce the goods we enjoy. In conclusion, my commitment to ethically sourced
coffee
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 has only been strengthened by what I've learned. I believe that as consumers, we can drive change by demanding transparency, fair treatment, and ethical practices from the companies that provide our daily essentials. It's not just about a
cup
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 of
coffee
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; it's about standing up for what is right and just for all those involved in its production.
Submitted by Patlada.chum on

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task achievement
The essay should clearly state the problem that may result from computer replacing jobs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more developed.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
There are some grammar errors that need to be addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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