IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

33.Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviours. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviours #host #country #differences
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Some say that when
individuals
Use synonyms
 travel, they should respect the culture of those places,
while
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 others believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should accept and welcome other
civilazation
Correct your spelling
civilization
 and their way of thinking.
This
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 essay would argue that
although
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 experiencing other cultures can allow
people
Use synonyms
 to know more, humans should accept how
individuals
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 are. On the one hand, following local customs and thoughts will allow
people
Use synonyms
 to learn and know more about how
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 live in those places. So the tourists can enjoy activities that the country does
in
Change preposition
on
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an
Correct article usage
a
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especial
Correct your spelling
special
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 date and feel
like
Correct word choice
as
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 if that was their country, so they can have better experiences.
And at
Correct word choice
At
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 the same time,
this
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 will allow
people
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 to be aware of protecting cultures and history that it is followed only by a small number of
people
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.
For example
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, in
China
Add a comma
China,
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 there are many minority ethnic groups, each of them with different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of traditions, but most of the Chinese
people
Use synonyms
 do not know what
dot
Verb problem
apply
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the others really do,
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then
Rephrase
so
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 the possibility of letting
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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dress and follow their culture makes
people
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 to remember the existence of those minority ethnic groups exist.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 can be a way of learning, but do not need to be mandatory
On the other hand
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, since the world is increasingly globalized, there are too many
people
Use synonyms
 travelling from one place to another, and sometimes they may stay in other nations. Most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals
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 follow different cultures and religion, and
this
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 is because of religious
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 or their national tradition, so they have been following it all their lives,
then
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,
this
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 need to be respected even if they are in other
countries
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,
this
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 will show that the country is open and friendly to every type of
people
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.
For instance
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, European
countries
Use synonyms
 have a lot of citizens that come from other nations, in some Asian
countries
Use synonyms
individuals
Use synonyms
 are obligated to cover their hair and in others their
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
,
also
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indian
people
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 do not eat beef because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cows are sacred
for
Change preposition
to
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 them. In Europe
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this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are allowed to do what they want, if that were not the case,
then
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 there
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not be a bond between
countries
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. I believe
this
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 point of view is preferable because
this
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 will allow a better relationship between all
countries
Use synonyms
 and
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 in the world. In conclusion,
although
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 following
religions
Correct article usage
the religions
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 of other
countries
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 can make the tourists feel
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at home,
people
Use synonyms
 should welcome everyone that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 different culture and customs since we are in a globalized world.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into paragraphs to improve coherence and readability.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Check and revise the grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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