Some people think leaving their home country provides more opportunities for working or studying, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #country #opportunities #choice

Honestly, in my opinion, visiting other countries

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is better. Because you can see unfamiliar cultures in your life. It strengthens your outlook.

Additionally

, you can see new places you have not seen in your life yet. I think that studying

Change preposition

in a

show examples

foreign

country

is better. You can study one of the top 1000 universities in the world. To be honest

this

is not possible to study top 1000 universities in my home

country

Therefore

many students leave their home

country

Additionally

, they apply to universities in foreign countries. It gives you a lot of opportunities to do your own career. You can study and work at the same time. People staying in their own

country

also

a better choice. You staying with family.

Moreover

cannot miss ceremonies , parties or whatever you should make a happy. If I had a choice, I definitely choose to leave my

country

. It is not noticed you betrayed your own

country

. You want just new places in your life. But I haven't a choice . Because I am a single child in our small family.

Therefore

I don't want to leave without my family

Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on Sun Oct 15 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

192 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

opportunities
advantages
education
job opportunities
exposure
different cultures
perspectives
independence
self-reliance
improvement
language skills
familiarity
local culture
customs
support
family
friends
contribute
development
comfort
familiar environment

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Fully explain your ideas

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