IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Back in the old ages farmers usually took care of their crops and farmland by hand or with the help of the animals.
However
, today's technology has improved so much that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people do not even need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
soil to plant
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
produce. Sadly, technology’s advances have not improved the world hunger problem. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will
have
Verb problem
take
show examples
 a deeper look into
this
 issue and provide a possible solution for it. I firmly believe that the reason for people still having nothing to eat is
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of resources and
time
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
countries
 who suffer from hunger run into a problem,
for example
, lack of
water
. In some
countries
 in Africa people need to walk miles just to get 10
liters
Change the spelling
litres
show examples
 of
water
 and walking back and forth multiple times can be very draining and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
. Most citizens in these
countries
 not only have to be walking for
water
 but
also
 need
time
 to take care of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 family and work.
Therefore
, it is hard for them to maintain a farm, family and work at the same
time
. The resolution for
this
 matter could be genetically engineered
plants
. Genetically engineered
plants
 are produced, which were genetically modified
while
 being in the seed form. Scientists have ways of modifying the
plants
 to be more resistant to heat, increase the amount of roots to reach the
water
further
 down or produce more fruits. I feel that these types of
plants
 should be provided to affected
countries
, which could help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans to save
time
 getting
water
 and be more rewarding after the
plants
 have produced fruits. In conclusion, world hunger is still a big issue because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
water
 and
time
 in the suffering
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
. But there is always a possible solution to these matters. In
this
 case, genetically engineered
plants
 can help to overcome the issue of
water
 by being more resistant to heat and growing longer roots.
Furthermore
, they can be modified in a way to produce more fruit, which can
als
Correct your spelling
also
 come in handy.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: