IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Addition to the internet is a wide spread problem. What problems does it cause? What is a suitable solution?

#addition #internet #spread
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The number of
people
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 who are addicted to the
Internet
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 is increasing.
This
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 trend has big impacts on
people
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's
health
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 and
people
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relationships
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 in real life, yet it can be solved by the
government
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 which should curb the time for residents to use the
Internet
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. The first problem that affects them is the decline in physical
health
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 and mental
health
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. It must be considered that green light on smartphones or laptops will damage
people
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's skin and eyes.
Furthermore
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, when users surf the
internet
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, they will be envious of others’s lives and self-deprecating about their bodies, lifestyles and qualifications.
As a result
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, not only physical issues but
also
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 mental issues become more serious and
people
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 will withdraw from society.
This
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 is true in Vietnam where there are lots of
internet
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 addicts, many reports show that misusing the
internet
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 is the main cause of vision problems and depression. The second principal problem is spoiled
relationships
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 in real life. It must be recognised that when abusers just chat with others, the lack of communication skills is increasing.
Consequently
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,
people
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 do not talk to family or friends, the
relationships
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 become distant and arguments happen more often.
For instance
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, teenagers in Vietnam always chat with friends
although
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 they are face to face.
However
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, a solution can be found
is that
Verb problem
:
show examples
 the
government
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 should limit the time for
people
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 to use the
internet
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. The most effective method is that authorities pass a strict law and fine
people
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 breaking the law. If residents overuse the
Internet
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, they will be fined, so that users will obey the rule. Taking China as an example, the
government
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 banned Chinese children from abusing the
internet
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 in 2022.
Thus
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, being addicted to the
internet
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 will affect physical
health
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, mental
health
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 and it will damage
people
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’s
relationships
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.
Nevertheless
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, if the
government
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 can curb the time of using the
internet
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, the problem could be solved.
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task achievement
Include a thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position.
task achievement
Expand on the impact of internet addiction on people's health and relationships.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Check your grammar and sentence structures for errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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