IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

📌 Task 1 Your employer has recently allowed some employees to work remotely from home. You would also like to work from home. Write a letter to the HR manager for permission to work from home for the next six months. In your letter: • mention why you are writing • explain why you would like to work from home • say how this can benefit you and the company

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Dear HR Manager I hope
this
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 letter finds you in good health. I am writing
this
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 letter to request to
work
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 from
home
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 for the next six months.
To begin
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 with, I have heard some of the staff are allowed to
work
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 at
home
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 online, and my partner of
work
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 has told me that we could have a chance to
work
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 remotely from
home
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.
Then
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, he
also
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 suggested that I take
this
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 chance related to the situation I have been undergoing.
In addition
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, I have been feeling unwell lately
due to
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 the disease that I have been carrying out for the
last
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 two weeks, so, I am asking for a little attention regarding
this
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. I am offering that I might be working at
home
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 in order to minimize my paces. I was told by the doctor that any heavy movement that I do will affect my health any
further
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. Your concern is very valuable for my future health.
Besides
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, I realize that the company has some regulations announced lately, and I assure you that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will
work
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 hard from
home
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.
Moreover
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, not attending the workplace could be beneficial for the company since my transportation allowance will not be allocated.
As a result
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, the office can save financially.
Finally
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, thank you for your attention in advance. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Sincerely yours Anong

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structure
Your letter's structure can be improved to ensure each paragraph contains a single cohesive idea. For instance, the first paragraph should focus solely on the purpose of the letter, the second on your reasons for wanting to work from home, and so on.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow by using more varied linking words and phrases. This will improve the readability and coherence of your letter.
tone
A more formal tone would be suitable for a letter to an HR manager. Avoid colloquial expressions like 'partner of work' and 'paces,' and use more conventional business terminology.
greeting closing
The greeting and closing lines are appropriately respectful and formal.
task achievement
You have clearly outlined your reasons for wanting to work from home and how it could be beneficial to both you and the company. This indicates a thoughtful approach to Task Achievement.
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