IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #plan #retirement #money
Nowadays,
people
 are working in order to secure their
future
 and to have a stable source of income. I strongly agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
future
 planning by saving finances should be done so that individuals can enjoy the fruit of their labour after they retire.
Firstly
, a retirement plan is of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paramount importance because
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body is not at its prime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age and working can get overwhelming.
Moreover
, health is at a decline as an individual grows old which can render them prone to disease.
For instance
, many
people
 include health insurance and nursing care provisions in their
retiral
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 plans just because of
this
 reason so they can be assured that they will be fine if
such
 problems arise.
Secondly
, a regular source of income is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital so that
people
 can relax and they do not have to worry about how to meet their basic necessities.
For example
, pension schemes for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retired workers.
Furthermore
, a continuous annuity
such
 as
this
 supports all these needs and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retiree
Fix the agreement mistake
retirees
show examples
 enjoy travelling,
thus
people
 should start investing towards their
future
 when they are still working to enjoy all these perks later when they are no longer youthful and energetic.
To sum up
, retirement planning for the
future
 should be done as it is an assurance of a secured
tommorrow
Correct your spelling
tomorrow
. There are many benefits that
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
along with
 it which are required when
people
 are no longer young. It
also
liberate
Change the verb form
liberates
show examples
 them from the obligations of working in their elderly years.
Submitted by Beebleei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Review grammar to improve sentence structure and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • peace of mind
  • comfortable living standard
  • compound interest
  • unexpected expenses
  • financial stress
  • well-funded retirement
  • government pensions
  • retirement benefits
  • cost of living
  • economic uncertainties
  • financial discipline
What to do next:
Look at other essays: