People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #plan #retirement #money

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

are working in order to secure their

future

Use synonyms

and to have a stable source of income. I strongly agree that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

future

Use synonyms

planning by saving finances should be done so that individuals can enjoy the fruit of their labour after they retire.

Firstly

Linking Words

, a retirement plan is of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

paramount importance because

human

Add an article

the human

show examples

body is not at its prime in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

old age and working can get overwhelming.

Moreover

Linking Words

, health is at a decline as an individual grows old which can render them prone to disease.

For instance

Linking Words

, many

people

Use synonyms

include health insurance and nursing care provisions in their

retiral

Replace the word

retirement

show examples

plans just because of

this

Linking Words

reason so they can be assured that they will be fine if

such

Linking Words

problems arise.

Secondly

Linking Words

, a regular source of income is

very

Rephrase

apply

show examples

vital so that

people

Use synonyms

can relax and they do not have to worry about how to meet their basic necessities.

For example

Linking Words

, pension schemes for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

retired workers.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, a continuous annuity

such

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

supports all these needs and most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

retiree

Fix the agreement mistake

retirees

show examples

enjoy travelling,

thus

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should start investing towards their

future

Use synonyms

when they are still working to enjoy all these perks later when they are no longer youthful and energetic.

To sum up

Linking Words

, retirement planning for the

future

Use synonyms

should be done as it is an assurance of a secured

tommorrow

Correct your spelling

tomorrow

. There are many benefits that

comes

Change the verb form

come

show examples

along with

Linking Words

it which are required when

people

Use synonyms

are no longer young. It

also

Linking Words

liberate

Change the verb form

liberates

show examples

them from the obligations of working in their elderly years.

Submitted by Beebleei on Sun Oct 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

lexical resource

Work on using a wider range of vocabulary.

grammatical range accuracy

Review grammar to improve sentence structure and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

253 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
peace of mind
comfortable living standard
compound interest
unexpected expenses
financial stress
well-funded retirement
government pensions
retirement benefits
cost of living
economic uncertainties
financial discipline

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
Currently the trends to find historical stories about the building has not be the emerging phenomena on social media or in some articles. Personnally, searching the informations about the place that they have been living in is just to verify the quality of their house and sometimes for personal reasons. In addition, it is easy to gain informations on the Internet, this essay will discuss more.
6
band
Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Undoubtedly, music is a substantially significant topic that has triggered an untold amount of debate among various folks, nonetheless, some groups of individuals declare that music particularly helps people to decrease the level of stress and anxiety, and I vehemently agree with this assertion.
4
band
Some people believe that companies should manufacturing products that last for a long time. Others feel that the emphasis should be place on producing goods that are cheap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The manufacturing products are in high demand across the globe. Some say that enterprises should produce products for long-lasting, whereas others consider that manufacturing companies should produce inexpensive goods. I strongly agree with the former opinion because long-duration goods will save money for not buying often.
5.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do you agree or disagree?
Due to the development in medical industries, life expectancy is getting longer and longer. Some see this as negative phenomenon, creating problems to govern, while others admit the benefits of accepting the elder generation. This essay completely agrees with the latter point because their contribution and the insightful lessons they give to society is unquestionable.
6.5
band
The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The first using nuclear weapon was in Japan by the United States where it killed many people. At the same time that incident mark the defeat of Japan in World War two. All over the world, nuclear weapons can be very dangerous to everyone and the number of weapons must be limited. On the other side, nuclear has an advantage which can become clean and cheaper energy. This essay will describe how nuclear is dangerous and has an advantage for humans.

People should plan for their retirement by saving money. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that companies should manufacturing products that last for a long time. Others feel that the emphasis should be place on producing goods that are cheap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do you agree or disagree?