Shopping has become a favourite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that? Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping?

Recently, a large group of our young generation has taken shopping as a hobby. In

this

age of online consumerism, buying things is being constantly inspired through advertisements and the tendency to show off is being stimulated. I think we should discourage over-purchasing in our young folks to reduce the waste of money and improve their mental health. Teenagers can buy stuff from their smartphone with a couple of clicks nowadays. Millions of online shops available on the internet are constantly bombarding them with personalized advertisements to buy their products. The fact that people need to put little to no effort into buying anything online is motivating the higher purchase tendency.

For example

, a recent study shows that people who purchase from online spend twice as much as their counterparts who purchase from the physical stores.

Moreover

, young folks can take a selfie of things they bought and post it on social

media

to get the attention of others. When other people talk about those items, the kids feel good and get instant gratification. They think that shopping and posting are helping them to stand out among their friends.

For instance

, it has already been proven that social

media

interactions release dopamine which makes those activities addictive.

However

, we should guide the next generation that

this

is not the right way to deal with purchasing capability. Rather than wasting money on excessive buying, they can invest that for future benefits.

Also

, they need to be enlightened that the instant gratification they get from social

media

is harmful to their mental health in the long run as

this

is not sustainable. To summarize, the natural tendency of showing off at juvenile age is being exploited to boost their buying behaviour through modern marketing technologies in social

media

. But we need to raise awareness among those innocent minds so that they can save themselves from

such

an alluring scenario and ensure their financial and psychological safety.

Submitted by u.urs.888 on Sun Oct 15 2023

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coherence cohesion

Consider providing a stronger thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.

task achievement

Expand on your arguments and provide more supporting examples to further develop your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

324 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Shopping has become a favourite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that? Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In my country, plastic containers have become more common than ever and are used by many food and drink companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree ?

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?