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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The restoration of old buildings in major city throughout the world would involve enormous expenditure. This money would bring more benefits if it was used to provide new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #city #world #expenditure #money #road #development
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Many
buildings
 around the world are aging and as they age, the more costly it gets to keep these structures standing.
Thus
,
according to
 some resources, the alternative of constructing new houses and other infrastructure lines would be a better investment. It is my firm belief that there are certain
buildings
 that must be restored regardless of huge maintenance expenses
due to
 their strategic and historic value,
however
,
instead
 of maintaining the other old
buildings
 without any value, new construction projects can be executed.
To begin
 with, there are two major reasons that make financial sense to restore certain old
buildings
. There are many ancient
buildings
 that bear historical and architectural importance. Because of that these
buildings
 are protected and the governments incur massive amounts of expenses to maintain them.
In addition
 to that some of those
buildings
 have the capability to amortize their expenses by being a hotspot for touristic activities.
Besides
 the cultural and architectural importance of
buildings
, some outdated
buildings
 are located at the center locations in major cities,
thus
 demolishing and building a new one is not possible
due to
 many obvious reasons.
On the other hand
, sometimes restoration of old
buildings
 is not the silver bullet in solving the aging infrastructure problem. Generally, the maintenance process required to restore the old structure is tedious and financially burdensome,
therefore
, demolishing them is a pragmatic solution.
For instance
, as the restoration of a building is utterly expensive, the money can be spent on building new houses
as well as
 contributing to other infrastructure like roads and railways.
To sum up
,
although
 maintaining old
buildings
 is as expensive as building a new one, some monumental structures like the Eiffel Tower and the Red Bridge must be restored despite the huge refurbishment bills because they have immense historical value as they are now representing attributes of the countries.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer position in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical and coherent structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use formal language and avoid contractions (e.g., it's, can't).
grammatical range and accuracy
Check your grammar and make sure to use correct verb tenses.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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