IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved?

#people #areas #cities
Most
cities
 in the world are booming and
this
 is largely because
people
 are moving
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 these urban areas for vocational or educational opportunities. Notwithstanding,
this
 puts an unprecedented strain on the infrastructure of
cities
as well as
 on individuals. Consistently, I argue that town planners and architects may hold the key to these problems. Services
such
 as roads, public transport, hospitals and schools can be overwhelmed and even cease to function properly when there is
Add an article
a
the
show examples
sudden influx of
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
. The demand is simply too high and waiting time for everything is certainly on the rise. More
people
 create more
wast
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
,
thus
 pollution can
also
 become an issue. on the individual level, life in a megacity can be stressful, where there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition in terms of work and education,
along with
 crowded conditions in public places. The cost of living can be expensive and even unaffordable, with a great number of
people
sekking
Correct your spelling
seeking
 somewhere to reside.
However
, the first matter that can be carried out is to discourage businesses from having their headquarters in large
cities
. If they set up in regional towns, those economies will be boosted, leaving a little more room in the metropolitan areas. Investing in fast trains so that
people
 can go to work quickly from
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
show examples
 edges of the
city
 will
also
 assist in taking the pressure off the middle of the
city
. Beyond that, town planners need to manage ahead to accommodate the growing urban population and provide them with
accessing
Replace the word
access
show examples
 to services. It may be that a
city
 should have not one but several centres with facilities for its inhabitants. In summary, the increase in the number of urbanites affects services and
people
's lives. Ergo, it will be of benefit to
people
 to be more occupied outside of the
city
 centre. For those who dwell in the
city
, a good deal of forethought is required in order to make
cities
 more comfortable to live in.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use more advanced vocabulary and varied sentence structures to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitions to improve the flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your ideas and provide more detailed explanations.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses for grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: