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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people think government should provide financial support to artists, while others believe public money should be reserved for essential services such as healthcare and education.

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
People have different views on whether the
government
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 should provide financial support to
artists
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that public funds should be reserved for essential
services
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such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and education. In my opinion,
although
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 these essential
services
Use synonyms
 should remain the
government
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's priority, a reasonable proportion of public expenditure should
also
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 be allocated to supporting the arts.
Body paragraph 1
There are various reasons why
artists
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 may require financial support from the
government
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. One of the main reasons is that art plays a significant role in preserving a country's history, traditions and cultural identity. Without adequate funding, many talented individuals may struggle to pursue their artistic careers, potentially resulting in the loss of valuable cultural practices.
Furthermore
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, the creative industry contributes to economic growth by generating employment opportunities and attracting tourists through cultural exhibitions and artistic attractions.
Therefore
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,
government
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 funding can help preserve national heritage
while
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 simultaneously encouraging economic development.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many people argue that public funds should be prioritised towards improving essential
services
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 and meeting the basic needs of citizens. These include healthcare and education, which directly influence people's quality of life and are fundamental to a country's development.
For example
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 investment in hospitals can create employment opportunities within the medical sector
while
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 ensuring that citizens have access to better medical treatment.
Therefore
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, allocating sufficient funding to these essential
services
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 should take precedence over less urgent areas of expenditure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that governments should strike a balance between supporting
artists
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 and investing in essential public
services
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,
while
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 prioritising the latter. A reasonable proportion of public funds can still be allocated to
artists
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 through grants, scholarships and cultural programmes without compromising the provision of healthcare and education. Ultimately, improving citizens' quality of life should remain the
government
Use synonyms
's primary objective.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: health and school needs come first, but art should still get some help. To make the answer even stronger, explain more clearly how the state can choose the right amount of money for art.
task response
Your main ideas are well chosen: art can keep a country’s past and way of life, and health and school services affect daily life. Add one more real or clear example of an art plan, such as help for local museums, music schools, or young artists.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each body part has one clear main idea, and the last part brings your view together well. Keep this clear four-part shape in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore” help the reader. However, do not use “Therefore” too often. You can also use simple links like “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part gives a good reason for health and school funding, but the job point is less direct than the main point. Focus more on how these services keep people safe, well, and able to learn.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear view throughout the essay.
task response
Your points are relevant and well explained, especially the link between art, culture, and visitors.
coherence and cohesion
The opening, body parts, and ending are in a clear order, so the reader can follow your ideas with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph starts with a clear focus, and the ending restates your main view without adding new ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • financial support
  • essential services
  • limited public budget
  • taxpayers' money
  • healthcare system
  • quality education
  • basic infrastructure
  • cultural sector
  • preserve cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • quality of life
  • creative industries
  • artistic talent
  • government grant
  • transparent selection process
  • allocate funds
  • budget priority
  • community arts project
  • long-term social benefits
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