Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Across the globe, giving
time
to family and
career
both are important in the present day.
However
, one segment of people think that it is a myriad crucial to develop one's
career
first and another segment of people believes that social
life
is ample for survival. For me, both aspects are essential for surviving in the society. On the one hand, a
career
plays an essential role in today's world.
Firstly
, it is important to have good earnings which give a happy
life
to their family and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their need .
For example
, if a person has a handful of money
then
he or she can live a luxurious lifestyle and
moreover
, he can give his family what they need without any second thought, so it is only possible if he looks after his
career
and achieves good position and pays.
On the other hand
, it is important to give
time
to his or her social
life
too because if a person wants to enjoy his
life
after earning a high salary
then
he or she has to be a good social animal too.
Furthermore
, he has to give
time
to join family functions or get-together parties with his or her family and friends.
Hence
, it is only possible if he can give priority to social
life
. To reiterate, the proponent of giving
time
to their
career
to get food and
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their family needs
whereas
, the advocators of social
life
also
play a vital role in everybody's
life
. In my opinion, both aspects have their own role in living a happy
life
because if you have a good salary to give a comfortable
life
to your family which gives you peace and earn a high standard status in society too.
Submitted by gs9542529 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that clearly presents the two views.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your ideas to provide a more thorough analysis.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • strike a balance
  • ambitious
  • dedicated
  • work-life balance
  • career-oriented
  • professional success
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • contribute
  • supportive
  • cherish
  • bond
  • memorable
  • experience
  • social connections
  • commitment
  • advocate
  • sacrifice
  • juggle
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