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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentages of the population in four Asia countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentages of the population in four Asia countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentages #population #four #asia #countries #cities #predictions #summarise #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 line graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information regarding the number of
population
Use synonyms
 living in cities from
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia,
Thailand
Use synonyms
, and Indonesia.
Overall
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, the
population
Use synonyms
 in the given cities are in the trend of increase. Especially, the number of people who
has
Change the verb form
have
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 started living in the city of Malaysia soared so fast, which takes first place among the all figures except for 1970 and 1990. In detail,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Indonesia's city
population
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second,
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followed by
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
. It had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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population
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 until 2000,
however
Linking Words
, it rocketed from
then
Linking Words
 so fast, and it is predicted to be 60% in 2040. The third largest
figure
Use synonyms
 is
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, which will occupy 50% in 2040. In 1970 and 1990, It had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 slightly more
rate
Use synonyms
 than Malaysia, which was 31% and 50% but it slapped again. The
last
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 is
Thailand
Use synonyms
, which will have the
leaset
Correct your spelling
lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 which is going not to have the
dominat
Correct your spelling
dominant
 over 50% number of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, differently from others. in 2040. But, between 1970 and 2000, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
Thailand
Use synonyms
 had the more or same
figure
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with Indonesia. In conclusion, we can see
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 people are heading to cities rather than countries.
Submitted by kylarara on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, thailand, rate, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentages
  • population
  • Asia
  • countries
  • urban population
  • China
  • India
  • Japan
  • Indonesia
  • increased
  • decreasing
  • projected
  • predicted
  • peaked
  • declining
  • steadily
  • rate of increase
  • comparisons
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