Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?
There is a public voice resisting more resources and attention allocated to preserve the populations of wildlife. Personally, I partly agree with
this
viewpoint.
Admittedly, it has become more urgent than ever before to enhance the welfare of wild animals
because of their risky status quo. It is undeniable that various human activities such
as overgrazing, deforestation, and construction have always been threatening the survival of wild animals
due to
the massive destruction of their natural habitats resulting from these actions. As a result
, it is a justifiable reaction for governments and other interest groups to fund more establishments of conservatories and enact more punitive laws in order to augment the populations of some rare animals
and birds, particularly those that are on the verge of extinction. This
is because as a primary culprit of the reduced number of wildlife, human beings are expected to bear the responsibility for protecting them.
However
, it is a utopian proposal to require all societies and countries around the world to invest equal amounts of financial and human resources in saving animals
as developed countries do. In fact, considering how to improve the living standards of people who constantly suffer from poverty, famine, and starvation should be prioritised on the basis of humanitarian values. For example
, to achieve social justice and challenge economic inequality, reputed companies and charitable organisations could transfer agricultural technologies such
as pesticides and chemical fertilisers to farmers living in developing countries, rather than zoos or natural reserves.
In conclusion, I think it is important to strike a balance of budget allocation regarding animal protection and human services. While
it is a moral decision to save endangered species from extinction, social issues should not be ignored.Submitted by zhouxianzheng056 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that all supporting information directly links to the central argument of the paragraph. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, which may require clearer focus and development.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and paragraphs together. While some linking phrases were used, there is potential for more varied and sophisticated language to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, the thesis statement could be stronger and more direct. The conclusion could better summarize the key points made within the essay.
task achievement
Address the task by providing a more balanced argument. Both sides of the argument should be explored equally, and your own opinion should be clear and well-supported with specific examples.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure ideas are fully expanded upon and the essay demonstrates a full understanding of the task. Include more relevant, specific examples to support the arguments made.
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