There are different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

this

modern world, there are a plethora of varied kinds of

music

followed by aficionados. It is firmly believed by psychologists that

music

is a vital part of an individual’s life. Without a doubt, it cannot be ignored that

music

plays a significant role for people and had I the opportunity to choose a kind, I would go with the traditional one. The world of

music

containing vocals, instruments, compressors, and much else

besides

, has improved dwellers’ vividness, happiness, sense of enjoyment, love, and all the subjects related to the humanities moods. The relationship between

this

magic issue named

music

and a person would be like a mother and her baby bringing a miraculous calm for being an influencer in life. Another aspect of the reason for following

music

would be the

music

key opening all the locks of life. It is traditional

music

that I’ve grown up with and it would be part and parcel of me. The key obvious reason to pursue

this

would be its great content including humanity, pure love, honesty, kindness, and much else

besides

On the other hand

, what is brilliant about those

Change preposition

apply

show examples

traditional

Replace the word

traditions

show examples

, is that not only they are the reference of musicians but

also

remind us where the civilization has come from which means they are the memory of history. All in all,

due to

the crucial priorities about the old types of

music

, should I listen to a voice, I will select a memorable one to always know where I originate from and not to forget the gentility lying in

this

part of calmness and pleasure.

Submitted by amirhosseinvahidi24 on Mon Oct 16 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There are different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Fully explain your ideas

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct, there is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.

The government should ban smoking in all public places even though this would restrict some other people’s freedom?Do you agree or disagree?

The best curriculum is not one based on a static body of knowledge, but one which teaches students to cope with change. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Disscuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.