Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

These days, the

overall

age of the world is increasing and some believe that

this

has a positive view.

However

, the rest of the people think that

this

is a detrimental change to us because it will be able to cause a severe recession and threaten younger generations. In

this

essay, I will present my perspectives and make a conclusion.

To begin

with, the majority of environmental experts argue that nations, that suffer from an increasing rate of aging population, are entering a stable economy without development, and it will cause the biggest wave in the nations.

For example

, Asian countries like South Korea, Japan, and China, have

this

social phenomenon. Most experts anticipate that they will face a tremendous economic problem because the young generations are dramatically declining and when they can not

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their real estate, workers in companies and primary industries, a number of industries and businesses will go bankrupt without mercy.

As a result

, we have to thoughtfully consider these issues and make reasonable solutions.

Additionally

, others argue that if the number of elderly people is rising, the government is going to get into considerable trouble with pensions, welfare, and finances.

This

is because when they enter a specific age, which can not work and earn money, responsibilities passed to young adults will grow as much as they can not tackle with it.

For example

, Japan, having a crisis of the younger population’s rate, tries to address

this

problem by suggesting several policies to reduce social budgets being consumed by the older generation

such

as medical and welfare budgets.

Consequently

although

they prevent direct damage by the problem, we can not be sure down the road. In conclusion, I believe that there are several more acute drawbacks than advantages, so we should seriously consider

this

topic for the nation's progression.

Submitted by daye9114 on Mon Oct 16 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion should clearly outline the writer's position and summarize the main points.

Task Achievement

The essay provides some relevant examples and attempts to address both sides of the argument. However, the response should be more comprehensive and the position should be clearly stated in the introduction and addressed throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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