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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
It is argued that expenditures on products are more presenting the effect of
commercials
 than what
people
 actually have a need for. To some extent, I agree that advertising could tempt someone to buy unnecessary goods, but I mostly support the idea that
people
 still prioritise their requirements
while
 shopping. Nowadays, many
people
 are under the permanent influence of advertising which leads to improper shopping.
Firstly
, with the widespread media and huge budgets investing in advertisements, we humans are exposed to a constant introduction of new products which are quite interesting. From TV
commercials
, radios and billboards to apps on our personal phones, advertisements somehow encourage us to buy something for a temporary pleasure, not a real need.
Moreover
, companies exert whatever helps them in
this
 competitive consumerism world like using psychologistic tricks or hiring a famous actor and they
therefore
 easily direct our
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
However
, I believe that despite advertising attempts to attract customers,
people
 are still aware of what they need.
Firstly
, in
this
 current world, the price of products especially those that are highly advertised, are rapidly increasing and
people
 can hardly afford their crucial needs let alone extra goods.
Secondly
, advertising methods are getting old-fashioned and some ridiculous tricks about making
people
 feel they need something that they actually did not are becoming impractical.
For example
, we all now know that TV
commercials
 are not fully trustworthy and if they present themselves as qualified producers we should not believe them. In conclusion,
Although
 the power of advertising affects everyone's purchases, society is still determining what they want to consume regardless of
commercials
.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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lexical resource
Try to paraphrase the topic statement in your introduction to show a variety of vocabulary.
lexical resource
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is a bit vague. Try to summarize your main points and reinforce your position.
task achievement
Make sure to stay focused on the given topic and consistently address the argument in your paragraphs.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few sentence structure errors that affect the overall clarity of your essay. Make sure to review your grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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