Some people are fond of buying new gadgets phones or laptop is this a good or bad thing discuss your opinion

Nowadays technology
has been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
Moreover
, few masses opine that obtaining computers or laptops
are play
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
a splendid role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind
Change noun form
mankind's
show examples
life
unless, others notion that it has numerous terrible impact on their
life
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I partially agree that because
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
can go
any
Change preposition
to any
show examples
other
seightseeing
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
with their gadget and without any difficulties
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
this
technique has multiple worse impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health issue
as well as
funding problems
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
arise if humankind
purchase
Change the verb form
purchases
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
software. On the one hand, dealing
laptop
Change preposition
with laptop
show examples
bestow the safest mobility for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
. To commence with, if
people
require
Add the particle
require to
show examples
get away from the other station
as a result
, they can prefer their laptop easily in their carry
begs
Correct your spelling
bags
show examples
as it is easy to carry and small size.
For instance
, when some citizens get away
any
Change preposition
from any
show examples
far destination
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
they prefer their computer since they can
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work either
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
or jobs frequently despite any awful situations.
Moreover
,
people
may start their laptop
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
four to five hours
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
with their long period battery.
On the other hand
, computers offer some horrific health issues to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
To begin
with,
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
software gives
marvelous
Change the spelling
marvellous
show examples
advantages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folks , it leads to not only spinal and neck injury but
also
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
dilemma
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their curriculum
life
due to
this
, when
people
work
continuosly
Correct your spelling
continuously
long hours in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
that cause some paralysis situations in their
life
as a result
,
worsening
Add an article
the worsening
show examples
condition would arise continuously.
For example
, In the United Kingdom toddlers take online coaching to spend time more causing
eyes problem
Fix the agreement mistake
eye problems
show examples
.
therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
people
are using goggles on their eyes.
To sum up
, even though computers play
a vital roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a vital role
vital roles
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives, it tends
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
Add a missing verb
have some
show examples
disastous
Correct your spelling
disastrous
impacts on the body like,
weakning
Correct your spelling
weakening
eyesight, cataract, and
glucoma
Correct your spelling
glaucoma
. I accord to that , every gadget has merits but
also
some
demarits
Correct your spelling
demerits
may
occurs
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
on the
life
.
Submitted by tanwarneha678 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating your opinion on whether buying new gadgets is a good or bad thing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that ideas are organized logically.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion further to provide a more complete overview of your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving grammar and sentence structure, as there are multiple errors throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to improve the lexical resource of your writing.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fond
  • Gadgets
  • Phones
  • Laptop
  • Advantages
  • Latest technology
  • Features
  • Improved performance
  • Functionality
  • Enhanced productivity
  • Convenience
  • Access
  • Innovative applications
  • User experience
  • Disadvantages
  • High cost
  • Financial implications
  • Environmental impact
  • E-waste
  • Rapid obsolescence
  • Dependency
  • Social disconnection
  • Addiction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: