Some people are fond of buying new gadgets phones or laptop is this a good or bad thing discuss your opinion
Nowadays technology
has been
popular Wrong verb form
is
in
all over the world. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, few masses opine that obtaining computers or laptops are play
a splendid role in Wrong verb form
plays
the
Correct article usage
apply
mankind
Change noun form
mankind's
life
unless, others notion that it has numerous terrible impact on their life
. In this
essay
I partially agree that because Add a comma
essay,
masses
can go Correct article usage
the masses
any
other Change preposition
to any
seightseeing
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
places
with their gadget and without any difficulties Fix the agreement mistake
place
however
, Add the comma(s)
, however
this
technique has multiple worse impact in
health issue Change preposition
on
as well as
funding problems may
arise if humankind Correct pronoun usage
that may
purchase
Change the verb form
purchases
a
Correct article usage
apply
high quality
software.
On the one hand, dealing Add a hyphen
high-quality
laptop
bestow the safest mobility for Change preposition
with laptop
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
. To commence with, if people
require
get away from the other station Add the particle
require to
as a result
, they can prefer their laptop easily in their carry begs
as it is easy to carry and small size. Correct your spelling
bags
For instance
, when some citizens get away any
far destination Change preposition
from any
so
most of Rephrase
apply
time
they prefer their computer since they can Add an article
the time
their
work either Correct pronoun usage
apply
schools
or jobs frequently despite any awful situations. Fix the agreement mistake
school
Moreover
, people
may start their laptop approximately
four to five hours Change preposition
for approximately
continuosly
with their long period battery.
Correct your spelling
continuously
On the other hand
, computers offer some horrific health issues to the
individuals. Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with, althogh
software gives Correct your spelling
although
marvelous
advantages to Change the spelling
marvellous
the
folks , it leads to not only spinal and neck injury but Correct article usage
apply
also
finacial
dilemma Correct your spelling
financial
on
their curriculum Change preposition
in
life
due to
this
, when people
work continuosly
long hours in front of Correct your spelling
continuously
television
that cause some paralysis situations in their Add an article
the television
a television
life
as a result
, worsening
condition would arise continuously. Add an article
the worsening
For example
, In the United Kingdom toddlers take online coaching to spend time more causing eyes problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
eye problems
therfore
, Correct your spelling
Therefore
people
are using goggles on their eyes.
To sum up
, even though computers play a vital roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a vital role
vital roles
on
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
lives, it tends Change noun form
people's
to
Change preposition
apply
some
Add a missing verb
have some
disastous
impacts on the body like, Correct your spelling
disastrous
weakning
eyesight, cataract, and Correct your spelling
weakening
glucoma
. I accord to that , every gadget has merits but Correct your spelling
glaucoma
also
some demarits
may Correct your spelling
demerits
occurs
on the Change the verb form
occur
life
.Submitted by tanwarneha678 on
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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating your opinion on whether buying new gadgets is a good or bad thing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that ideas are organized logically.
coherence cohesion
Develop your introduction and conclusion further to provide a more complete overview of your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on improving grammar and sentence structure, as there are multiple errors throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to improve the lexical resource of your writing.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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