IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care other say that walking and jumping stairs are more affective. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #gym #clubs #health #care #stairs #affective
In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 modern times, gym and clubs for
health
 care
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become more popular
due to
 the
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 use of social media and fame by self exposing. It would differ in different age groups, people of old age would prefer walking and climbing stairs rather than going to a gym
whereas
 youngsters would choose
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 as the excitement and every to work up is more among them which is more of focusing on gaining muscles, abs rather than focusing on
health
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 in aged people it much of focused on
health
 and diet. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 both are equally
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
 depending on the purpose you have for getting involved in the activity.
As it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is not possible for
a an
Choose an article
an
show examples
 aged person to run
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a trade mill at the age of 70
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 good
health
 and would end up with some other problem,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 a young teenager would find it lazy to
do walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
.
Submitted by noorainfatima135 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: