Are sports essential in school life for children .Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience

he
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The
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massive responsibility of providing the best curriculum is on the shoulders of principals.
While
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some opine that doing regular physical activities is a must for all school-goers, others argue that it is not logical to insist on them working out. In my view, considering children’s interests is much more important. On the one hand, health-related issues are the number one concern for all parents. To clarify, thanks to the technological revolution, children are getting used to leading a shockingly sedentary lifestyle. They spend long hours exploring online platforms. They do not have enough time to play sports in their leisure time, which may result in grossly overweight individuals.
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, it can be helpful if schools push them to do
such
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a thing in their educational environment, since they can benefit from a healthy body.
On the other hand
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, equality goes a long way in educational institutions.
For example
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, my older sister used to suffer from heart disease in her childhood, and she usually compared her health condition with her peers, which made her reluctant to participate in workout classes because she considered herself inferior compared to others.
This
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results in a lack of self-confidence in her adulthood.
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, it is much better to
prioritize
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prioritise
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some special conditions over compulsory regulations. In conclusion,
although
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underestimating the importance of physical health is not logical in
this
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era, it does not necessarily mean schoolchildren should do it at any cost. I strongly believe that placing a high value on pupils' preferences is a must to avoid some drawbacks.

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grammar/structure
Fix the opening line to use proper 'The massive responsibility...' and state your view clearly in the first paragraph.
structure
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph with a simple topic sentence that links to your view.
development
Add more evidence or example to back each point and explain why it matters.
language
Use only easy words, avoid long phrases. Keep sentences short.
grammar
Check grammar and word form, such as articles and verb use.
content
The essay has a clear view on the topic.
structure
There is a plan with introduction, two sides, and a conclusion.
coherence
There are some good links between sides with 'on the other hand' type phrases.
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