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Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#percentage #households #four #devices #summarise #information #report #features #comparisons
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 line graph
is presented
Wrong verb form
presents
show examples
 the
percentage
 of households with different electronic devices from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
, the graph presents the evolution of the usage of
differente
Correct your spelling
different
 electronic devices with time.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 the mobile phone was not commonly used in 1995,
this
 has changed, as it became one of the two most used electronic devices in 2015. The same thing
ocurred
Correct your spelling
occurred
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the computer,
this
 device has a similar evolution to the mobile phone,
thus
 they both started at approximately 7% to 8% of owning and ended in 95% of
housholds
Correct your spelling
households
 in 20 years. The mobile phone was the device heading the
percentage
 growing during
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 of the time,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
 MP3 player did not present any
enlargment
Correct your spelling
enlargement
 during
this
 years.
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
 the tablet did not have any
apperiances
Correct your spelling
appearance
 until 2003, despite
this
, it showed
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increment
beetween
Correct your spelling
between
 the years 2007 and 2015 to
finally
 end up at an imposing
percentage
 of 81%.
To conclude
, It is known that the
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 has evolved with time to become what we know today.
Furthermore
, the evolution
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in
this
 chart
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 us
visualice
Correct your spelling
visualise
visualize
 the
increasment
Correct your spelling
increase
 in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of householding
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 gadgets.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 we can see that the elements with the major
increasment
Correct your spelling
increase
 are mobile phones and computers.
Submitted by khushiaggarwal255 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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