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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents
In modern society, our
parents
 and teachers tell offspring should have a good healthy lifestyle every day,
however
, some offspring have many incorrect habits. I completely disagree with the opinion,
although
, the
parents
 and schools have a responsibility to teach them. The first reason,
besides
 the teachers and
parents
, the offspring can touch more people every day, and they talk about more
information
.
Firstly
, children can learn any methods to solve problems, if the methods are bad, but they cannot judge them,
then
 they will use them the next time they encounter the same problem.
For example
, If some children have drinks and are smokers, others will perhaps do the same things.
Secondly
, the
parents
 do not like to eat many foods, if the children will learn their
parents
' food habits.
On the other hand
, offspring learn more about the bad things through modern media, the media can get more
information
 via television, mobile phones, and other internet tools.
This
information
 should be filtered or classified, to void unhealthy content appearance. Meanwhile, they spend more time playing mobile phone games or videos, they do not like to go outside. Even so, I have to admit that schools and
parents
 teach a better lifestyle with their knowledge and experience,
this
 is a very important programme when the offspring grow. In conclusion, society and the media can bring more things, including some bad
information
, so that the offspring learn their actions,
although
, the schools and
parents
 have more responsibility to teach the offspring.
Submitted by erichardxin on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherent and well-structured arguments. The introduction and conclusion are weak, and the main points are not well-supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but fails to provide a complete and focused response. The ideas are not comprehensively developed and lack specific examples or evidence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in the use of language. There are numerous lexical and grammatical errors that hinder the clarity of the message.
grammatical range
The essay contains multiple grammatical errors, including tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. The lack of complex sentences and variety in structures affects the overall coherence of the essay.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
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