IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in the lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good thing?

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Media
Use synonyms
 are widely searching for various content in the communication platforms to
increase
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 their viewers and revenues.
Although
Linking Words
 personal
life
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 matters
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increase
Add the particle
to increase
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 the audience, it does not at all provide a better message to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. It seems to me that
celebrities
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 have the right to hide their personal
life
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 from the public. On the one hand, the competition among
media
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 channels has rapidly increased during the development of communication systems.
This
Linking Words
 leads the content creators to present breaking
news
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 to
increase
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 their viewership especially related to famous
people
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 who are raised from normal backgrounds.
For instance
Linking Words
, gossip between
celebrities
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,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 making more viewers than any other subject.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, ordinary
people
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 always imitate and adore
celebrities
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, which make them genuinely interested in knowing what is happening in their
life
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. Perhaps
people
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 enjoy the celebrity
life
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 and styles, and revealing it to the public by
media
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 not acceptable.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
media
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 an important role in society which has the power to make a change in one's
life
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. Spreading fake
news
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 related to famous
people
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 is increasing day by day, and governments have taken strict actions against
people
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 who are violating IT rules and regulations. There
is
Change the verb form
are
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 various
news
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 reports against the persons who tried to defame
celebrities
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such
Linking Words
 as some well-known personalities violating paying taxes.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 are providing high value to the
celebrities
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 that
misused
Add a missing verb
are misused
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 by
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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 to make their income by telecasting the
news
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, It seems advisable that the
media
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 should stop promoting the personal lives of famous
people
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 to
increase
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 the revenue of their channel. It seems to me that
people
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 from ordinary backgrounds work hard to reach success in their careers which
doesnot
Verb problem
is not
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 to be spoiled by fake
news
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 and gossip from the society and
media
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.

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missing sections
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Please make sure to include these sections in your essay.
undeveloped main points
The main points in your essay are not well-developed and lack supporting details or examples. Try to provide more specific information to strengthen your arguments.
verb tenses
You have inconsistent use of verb tenses and grammatical errors throughout the essay. Review your use of verb tenses for clarity and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. Work on organizing your ideas more clearly and using appropriate linking words and transitions.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to enhance your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity
  • ordinary backgrounds
  • interest
  • curiosity
  • fascination
  • escapism
  • entertainment
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • identification
  • relatability
  • social comparison
  • envy
  • public interest
  • negative effects
  • excessive focus
What to do next:
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