IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The range of technology availabe to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has opposite effect. Dicuss both views and give your opinions.

#range #technology #availabe #people #gap #effect #dicuss
Nowadays, the wide variety of technological advancements
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 many benefits to human
life
.
While
technology
 can narrow the gap between social classes,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that improved
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 have created a distance in social relationship. On the one hand,
technology
 has improved many opportunities for poor
people
 in income activities. Unemployed
people
 can find available jobs that don't require qualifications or experience.
For instance
, they can easily find housemaids on applications which helps housewives
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn a stable salary.
Moreover
, many volunteer associations are established by
people
 with well-off lives to help some
diffilcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 situations through seeing on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
For example
, a huge of
people
 use modern
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they often share or see the hard
life
 of
people
 with poor conditions that their lives are better after.
On the other hand
, the cost of
technology
 is quite
higher
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 which is not suitable for all the
people
 in society,
such
 as Artificial Intelligence (AI). Both technologies are facilitating rich
people
 to lead a more productive
life
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it not only improves
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
show examples
 of favouring
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 but
also
 creates barriers for the poor
people
 in availing some fundamental rights
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 health and wellness services because these
thing
Change the determiner
things
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 expensive.
For example
, private hospitals are normally equipped with the most advanced technologies which costs a lot to treat cancer and some cases
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
dead
Replace the word
died
show examples
 because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack
show examples
 of money. In conclusion, I admit that
technology
 plays a crucial part in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, but it was made for human purposes because today's society often pursues material
life
,
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
show examples
 creating a gap between rich and poor is inevitable.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: