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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities, security measures, such as the use of video cameras in public places, are being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

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Putting Video
cameras
Use synonyms
 in streets has been increasingly prevalent since the citizen’s safety is crucial in front of the violence.
However
Linking Words
, some people found that bothering owing to limited freedom by permanent monitoring. To the point of my view, the
cameras
Use synonyms
 are entirely beneficial since the outside is not for individual activity. There reason
why security plans sound negative
Add the comma(s)
, why security plans sound negative,
show examples
 is explained as follows.
To begin
Linking Words
, some individuals are used to being
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
 in order to record their actions. In fact, they have no idea about crimes.
For instance
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, sitting in a restaurant and eating food in front of a camera sounds inconvenient,
additionally
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, some of them feel embarrassed without logical reason. Meanwhile, some citizens have cheated on something and feel unsafe by
cameras
Use synonyms
 unconsciously. To illustrate the point, spouses,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
betray each other.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, nobody could care less about them
while
Linking Words
 crime is the only serious issue. On the other side, there is plenty of proof that camera security impacts crimes.
Firstly
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, in a widely varied range of matters, any violation of the laws is going to be recorded. Indeed, from illegal speed to murder, criminals have been traced.
Accordingly
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 even if, neither the victim nor the sinner is related to us, as a social accountability it must be acceptable by residents.
Secondly
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, despite having focused on everybody commuting, the time that police pay heavy attention to humans is the time that something dangerous has happened.
thus
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, there is nothing to be worried about unless for guilty people.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
cameras
Use synonyms
 are installed everywhere to keep humans secure not annoy them and any vibrant and activity is completely usual.
Consequently
Linking Words
, even if for the personal feeling we are not comfortable with them
due to
Linking Words
 the uncountable benefits,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be accepted by the public.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced argument by acknowledging possible drawbacks and addressing them.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional words and phrases to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review and revise the grammar of your sentences to improve clarity and accuracy.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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