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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Art
Use synonyms
 classes,
such
Linking Words
 as painting and drawing, are significant
subjects
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 for
children
Use synonyms
's growth, so they must be included in high school. I completely agree with
this
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 notion, as it could grow
children
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's talents and relax their brains.
Firstly
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,
children
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's period is critical in human life.
According to
Linking Words
 research, people could foster their secret desire when in contact with anything that triggers them at
this
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 time.
Art
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 is one of the
subjects
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 that could attract them to expose their axiomatic talent.
For instance
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, Leonardo da Vinci is a famous person who could exploit their talent. Apart from being known as the scientist, He was
also
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 engaged in their masterpiece
such
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 as Monalisa's picture. That creature could occur because He learned many
subjects
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 as a child, including painting and drawing.
Additionally
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, when
children
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 study
Art
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, they know the beauty of diversity in school
subjects
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.
Whereas
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 the main
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as math and physics are important for their future,
art
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 lessons could help them to relax for a
while
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 after doing some complicated
subjects
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. They could rejuvenate their mind and enjoy the
Art
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.
Furthermore
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, they could get inspiration from
art
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 to overcome their challenges because a fresh mind could be helpful to them. In
art
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 classes, they discuss with other students the creativity that becomes really useful for someone in a difficult situation. Creativity could help them to improve their tasks regularly, which is very good for their development and convenience in distinct conditions. They could benefit if they use
art
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subjects
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 correctly.

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task achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further by summarizing your key points and reiterating the importance of art classes in education.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your thesis statement, which will help improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to support your arguments; this will strengthen your claims and enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have made a compelling argument for the importance of art in children's development, which is clear in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of transitional phrases helps the reader follow your ideas, showing a good understanding of coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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