Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is irrefutable that senior citizens are the most vulnerable members of our society and are often financially supported in enormous developed economies. In numerous nations around the world, elderly
people
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accrue funds for themselves that give them a sense of independence and curtail the financial burden on a province. In
this
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contemporary era,
people
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prefer to become financially independent by accumulating funds for their golden years. It gives them a sense of independence and self-respect. The
government
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of Canada encourages pupils for financial planning so that their citizens can lead a stress-free and luxurious old age.
Moreover
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,
this
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approach is beneficial to curtail the financial budget of a country.
Instead
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of distributing money among senior citizens, the
government
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can invest these funds for development
such
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as infrastructure refurbishment.
This
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would captivate the influx of tourists,
hence
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, a country's economy will boost. A multitude of dollars were invested by the
government
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of Indonesia to restore their historical buildings which attract thousands of visitors every year.
As a result
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, their revenue increased precipitously. Financial support to older generations is their fundamental right and the onus of the legitimate agencies.
This
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is because retired
people
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have paid huge tariffs during their working years and contribute toward a country's development to a great extent.
Therefore
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, it is the obligation of the financial ministry to pay them back for their hard-earned money. Even though elderly
people
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have paid a significant amount of taxes to the
government
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, I firmly believe that becoming financially independent not only gives a sense of freedom and self-respect but
also
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reduces the financial burden on a nation.
Thus
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, they should take care of their monetary needs by themselves and not rely on legal affirms.
Submitted by sdeepkaur9 on

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coherence
Enhance clarity in your transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Some areas could benefit from smoother linking phrases to maintain a more seamless flow.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, and consider addressing counterarguments more thoroughly.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the reference to the Indonesian government investing in infrastructure.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial support
  • social responsibility
  • comfortable and secure
  • reduces poverty
  • safety net
  • limited resources
  • fairness and equality
  • personal responsibility
  • independence
  • financial planning
  • saving
  • burden on the government
  • control over retirement
  • economic growth
  • private investment
  • combination of approaches
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