IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people suggest that young adults should be encouraged to do some unpaid work for a period of time for the community to help people. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and the young people?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A period of unpaid work for young adults, aimed at contributing to their
community
Use synonyms
, has sparked a great deal of debate.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
this
Linking Words
 endeavour is invaluable in terms of both individual development and
community
Use synonyms
 progress, others contend that it may result in several drawbacks. In my view, the benefits to the
community
Use synonyms
 and youngsters far outweigh the defects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, encouraging young people to engage in unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 work instils a sense of responsibility and altruism in them. Through these experiences, they develop important life skills,
such
Linking Words
 as effective communication, problem-solving and teamwork. These skills not only benefit their personal growth but
also
Linking Words
 directly contribute to the betterment of the
community
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the positive impact on the
community
Use synonyms
 is undeniable. These young volunteers often address local issues, filling gaps where formal services may fall short.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can organize neighbourhood clean-up initiatives, provide tutoring to disadvantaged students, or assist in care for the elderly.
This
Linking Words
 kind of involvement can lead to a safer, more educated and tightly-knit
community
Use synonyms
. Critics argue that young people might face drawbacks,
such
Linking Words
 as time constraints, stress or the risk of exploitation.
However
Linking Words
, these concerns can be managed with proper oversight and support systems. Structured programs and supervision can help youngsters balance their unpaid work with their education or jobs
while
Linking Words
 mitigating undue pressure. In conclusion, encouraging young adults to become volunteers for their communities has myriad benefits. It aids in personal development, imparts essential skills, and greatly contributes to
community
Use synonyms
 welfare.
While
Linking Words
 there are challenges to address, the advantages far exceed its disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the benefits and drawbacks of young adults engaging in unpaid work for their community. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical and well-structured organization. Your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to another, and you have effectively used transition words to connect your thoughts. Great job!
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate, enhancing the clarity and precision of your ideas. There are also instances where you have used academic vocabulary effectively. Keep up the good work!
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is impressive, with only a few minor errors. There are a few places where your sentence structures could be slightly more complex, but overall, your grammar is strong. Well done!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: