IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.

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Recently,
work
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life
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 has become a hot topic everyone is talking about. A handful of the population
work
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 all their lives under one company
while
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 others
perfoorm
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perform
 under many different companies.
This
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 essay will discuss both of these sides and will state my opinion on it. On the one hand, many people argue that working in the same business all their lives can give them a better opportunity of being promoted, and it will be easy for them to cope with the job stress they have. Working in the same job for a long period enhances the chance of a person being promoted.
For example
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, someone who has been working for the same company for 12 years will have better odds of being promoted than someone who has been working under the same organisation for 5 years.
Furthermore
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, they will be able to deal with the
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 stress and
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life
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 easier as they are more used to their
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 because they have been doing the same
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 all their lives.
On the other hand
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, many others think that becoming employees at many different businesses can help their
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 experience, and will have
a
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apply
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better odds
to
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of working
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work
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 under higher paying companies.
Work
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 experience comes from a person who deals with different issues during their working
life
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, by working under different jobs, the public can gain
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 experience because of the different problems they face.
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, getting employed at high-paying jobs will be easier if someone works at many different workplaces as they will know how to deal with different types of people.
For instance
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, knowing when to engage with customers and knowing when they need help. In conclusion, I strongly believe that working under the same organisation is better because people will have a better chance of getting a promotion and it will be easier for them to cope with their
work
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life
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.

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in using present and past tenses. For example, 'become employees at many different businesses' should be 'becoming employees at many different businesses.'
Examples
Add more relevant specific examples to strengthen arguments. For example, describe a real-life scenario where switching jobs led to significantly higher pay or enhanced skills.
Analysis
Improve the depth of analysis in each point. For instance, elaborating on how exposure to different companies leads to a diverse set of skills can add depth to the second argument.
Structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
Balanced Discussion
You have provided a balanced discussion by presenting both viewpoints before stating your own opinion.
Transition Words
The essay flows logically with appropriate use of transition words, e.g., 'On the one hand,’ 'On the other hand,’ ‘For instance,’ ‘Furthermore.’
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