At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation #reason

Nowadays, numerous countries face the issue of overpopulation. Interestingly, the age distribution has become disproportional, with youngsters being considerably higher in number compared to the elderly.

Although

there are positive and negative

perspective

Fix the agreement mistake

perspectives

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regarding

this

matter, I strongly argue that its advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

While

older people undoubtedly bring wisdom, experience, and valuable contributions to society, it is important to acknowledge that they

also

place an increased burden of dependency on the

country

Aging

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Ageing

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people are associated with economic

shortage

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shortages

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due to

their decreased productivity value. They will eventually depend on social welfare,

pension

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pensions

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, and support from the working-age population.

Consequently

huge

Add an article

a huge

show examples

proportion of

senior

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seniors

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will result in

significant

Correct article usage

a significant

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economic burden,

thus

hindering the nation's development.

However

, it is notable that

larger

Correct article usage

a larger

show examples

proportion of

working-age

Correct article usage

the working-age

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population

carry

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carries

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more benefits to the

country

compared to geriatrics. Not only

they

Add a missing verb

do they

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provide

a greater financial investments

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greater financial investments

a greater financial investment

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, but

also

Correct pronoun usage

they also

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a more creative ideas

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for

show examples

addressing

nation's

Correct article usage

the nation's

show examples

challenge

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challenges

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. Youths received great exposure to innovative solutions, enabling them to think more critically in solving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

problems. To illustrate, Gen Z will provide problem-solving

idea

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ideas

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through

modern

Correct article usage

a modern

show examples

approach compared to the previous generations.

Therefore

, their existence comes

along with

positive

improveent

Correct your spelling

improvement

improvements

to the

country

. In conclusion, in spite of

elder's

Correct article usage

the elder's

show examples

massive contribution to the nation's history,

the

Correct article usage

show examples

large number of youths are urgently needed

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apply

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these days. They are

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apply

show examples

immense assets for leveraging

country's

Correct article usage

the country's

show examples

triumph

Correct word choice

and, thus

show examples

thus

shall be in a larger number compared to the aged population.

Submitted by annisasdn on Wed Oct 18 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
proportion
age distribution
economic opportunities
innovation
technological advancements
productivity
burden
healthcare
retirement
pension systems
dependency ratio
developed countries
developing countries

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