At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, numerous countries face the issue of overpopulation. Interestingly, the age distribution has become disproportional, with youngsters being considerably higher in number compared to the elderly.
Although
Linking Words
there are positive and negative
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
regarding
this
Linking Words
matter, I strongly argue that its advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
older people undoubtedly bring wisdom, experience, and valuable contributions to society, it is important to acknowledge that they
also
Linking Words
place an increased burden of dependency on the
country
Use synonyms
.
Aging
Change the spelling
Ageing
show examples
people are associated with economic
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
due to
Linking Words
their decreased productivity value. They will eventually depend on social welfare,
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
, and support from the working-age population.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
proportion of
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
will result in
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
economic burden,
thus
Linking Words
hindering the nation's development.
However
Linking Words
, it is notable that
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
proportion of
working-age
Correct article usage
the working-age
show examples
population
carry
Change the verb form
carries
show examples
more benefits to the
country
Use synonyms
compared to geriatrics. Not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
provide
a greater financial investments
Correct the article-noun agreement
greater financial investments
a greater financial investment
show examples
, but
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
show examples
a more creative ideas
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
addressing
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
. Youths received great exposure to innovative solutions, enabling them to think more critically in solving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems. To illustrate, Gen Z will provide problem-solving
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
through
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
approach compared to the previous generations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their existence comes
along with
Linking Words
positive
improveent
Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
to the
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in spite of
elder's
Correct article usage
the elder's
show examples
massive contribution to the nation's history,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
large number of youths are urgently needed
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. They are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
immense assets for leveraging
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
triumph
,
Correct word choice
and, thus
show examples
thus
Linking Words
shall be in a larger number compared to the aged population.
Submitted by annisasdn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • proportion
  • age distribution
  • economic opportunities
  • innovation
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • burden
  • healthcare
  • retirement
  • pension systems
  • dependency ratio
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: