it is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who do not have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

IN
THIS
SITUATİON I WOULD RATHER SAY WEALTHY PEOPLE HAVE BETTER
HEALTH
OPPORTUNITIES THAN
WHO
Correct pronoun usage
THOSE WHO
show examples
DO NOT HAVE LARGE AMOUNTS OF
MONEY
BECAUSE IN
THIS
CENTURY EVERY SECTOR WORKS BETTER WITH MORE
MONEY
.IF YOU HAVE MORE
MONEY
U CAN HAVE ORGANIC FOOD TO EAT
AND
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
IT IS VERY GOOD FOR YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM AND U WILL NOT GET SICK EASILY.IF YOU GET SICK
AND
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD
TREATMENT
FOR
Change preposition
TO
show examples
GET BETTER .GOOD
TREATMENT
HOSPITALS ARE NOT SUPPORTED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND YOU NEED TO PAY
EXTEREMLY
Correct your spelling
EXTREMELY
EXPENSİVE BİLLS AFTER THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE MEDİCİNES FOR YOUR
SİCKNESSNES
Correct your spelling
SICKNESSES
İS GONE.MEDİCİNES
ALSO
Add a missing verb
ARE ALSO
show examples
SEPERATED
Correct your spelling
SEPARATED
IN
Change preposition
INTO
show examples
ITSELF
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
CHEAPER AND EXPENSİVE ONES .EXPENSİVE ONES
MAKES
Correct subject-verb agreement
MAKE
show examples
YOU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE OF THE
INGRIDIENTS
Correct your spelling
INGREDIENTS
.THEY HAVE MORE EFFECTİVE THINGS FOR YOUR
HEALTH
AND CHEAPER MEDİCİNES MOSTLY HAVE SIDE EFFECTS SO YOU SHOULD BE WEALTHY TO MAINTAIN YOUR GOOD
HEALTH
I CAN GIVE AN EXAMPLE IN MY LIFE MY MOTHER
GRANDPARENTS
Correct word choice
AND GRANDPARENTS
show examples
ARE VERY POOR PEOPLE AND MY GRANDFATHER GOT CANCER TEN YEARS AGO AND HE NEEDS CANCER
TREATMENT
FOR RECOVERY AND THAT
TREATMENT
WAS VERY EXPENSIVE. THEY COULD HANDLE THE BİLL JUST FOR 1
YEARS
Fix the agreement mistake
YEAR
show examples
AFTER THAT THEY
COULDNT
Correct your spelling
COULDN'T
. HOSPITAL SEND MY GRANDFATHER TO HOME .THEY JUST TOOK SOME CHEAP MEDİCİNES AND HİS
ILNESSES
Correct your spelling
ILLNESS
GOT WORSE AND HE DIED AFTER HE CAME HOME.
AS
Change preposition
IN
show examples
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
CONCLUSION
THIS
IS
RUTHLESS
Correct article usage
A RUTHLESS
show examples
WORLD EVEN IF THE MATTER IS
HEALTH
YOU NEED THE HAVE LARGE AMOUNTS OF
MONEY
TO GET BETTER.
Submitted by onder113 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access to quality healthcare
  • Expedited treatment options
  • Cutting-edge medical technologies
  • Healthy diet and lifestyle
  • Organic and whole foods
  • Environmental factors
  • Cleaner neighborhoods
  • Financial stability
  • Health education
  • Preventative healthcare measures
  • Social determinants of health
  • Recreational facilities
  • Stress and mental health
  • Living conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: