it is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who do not have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
IN
THIS
SITUATİON I WOULD RATHER SAY WEALTHY PEOPLE HAVE BETTER HEALTH
OPPORTUNITIES THAN WHO
DO NOT HAVE LARGE AMOUNTS OF Correct pronoun usage
THOSE WHO
MONEY
BECAUSE IN THIS
CENTURY EVERY SECTOR WORKS BETTER WITH MORE MONEY
.IF YOU HAVE MORE MONEY
U CAN HAVE ORGANIC FOOD TO EAT AND
IT IS VERY GOOD FOR YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM AND U WILL NOT GET SICK EASILY.IF YOU GET SICK Correct word choice
apply
AND
YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD Correct word choice
apply
TREATMENT
FOR
GET BETTER .GOOD Change preposition
TO
TREATMENT
HOSPITALS ARE NOT SUPPORTED BY THE GOVERNMENT AND YOU NEED TO PAY EXTEREMLY
EXPENSİVE BİLLS AFTER THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE MEDİCİNES FOR YOUR Correct your spelling
EXTREMELY
SİCKNESSNES
İS GONE.MEDİCİNES Correct your spelling
SICKNESSES
ALSO
Add a missing verb
ARE ALSO
SEPERATED
Correct your spelling
SEPARATED
IN
Change preposition
INTO
ITSELF
CHEAPER AND EXPENSİVE ONES .EXPENSİVE ONES Correct pronoun usage
apply
MAKES
YOU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE OF THE Correct subject-verb agreement
MAKE
INGRIDIENTS
.THEY HAVE MORE EFFECTİVE THINGS FOR YOUR Correct your spelling
INGREDIENTS
HEALTH
AND CHEAPER MEDİCİNES MOSTLY HAVE SIDE EFFECTS SO YOU SHOULD BE WEALTHY TO MAINTAIN YOUR GOOD HEALTH
I CAN GIVE AN EXAMPLE IN MY LIFE MY MOTHER GRANDPARENTS
ARE VERY POOR PEOPLE AND MY GRANDFATHER GOT CANCER TEN YEARS AGO AND HE NEEDS CANCER Correct word choice
AND GRANDPARENTS
TREATMENT
FOR RECOVERY AND THAT TREATMENT
WAS VERY EXPENSIVE. THEY COULD HANDLE THE BİLL JUST FOR 1 YEARS
AFTER THAT THEY Fix the agreement mistake
YEAR
COULDNT
. HOSPITAL SEND MY GRANDFATHER TO HOME .THEY JUST TOOK SOME CHEAP MEDİCİNES AND HİS Correct your spelling
COULDN'T
ILNESSES
GOT WORSE AND HE DIED AFTER HE CAME HOME.Correct your spelling
ILLNESS
AS
Change preposition
IN
A
CONCLUSION Correct article usage
apply
THIS
IS RUTHLESS
WORLD EVEN IF THE MATTER IS Correct article usage
A RUTHLESS
HEALTH
YOU NEED THE HAVE LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY
TO GET BETTER.Submitted by onder113 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
