IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that technology has made life more complex, while others think it has simplified it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 fast-developing world, there is an ongoing debate about whether technological advancement has transformed individuals' lives more harshly or facilitated living.
While
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technology
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 can admittedly introduce social isolation and
information
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 overload, from my point of view, it simplifies modern
life
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 by providing comfort and expanding access to global
information
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 Granted, one might argue that the high-advancement tech makes
life
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 complex. Spending time on screens negatively affects face-to-face interaction. People are spending a significant proportion of their time on their gadgets. They do not communicate in real
life
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 with their friends, personnels and close persons.
Consequently
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, it impacts their body language, facial expressions and tone of voice.
Furthermore
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, the
technology
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 consists of much
information
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. Significant notifications
,
Correct word choice
and
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 extensive data influence people’s
overall
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 well-being. Namely, a great deal of applicant asks entering some codes and keywords.
Consequently
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, they can feel distracted or overwhelmed. Despite these arguments, I side with those who believe that the importance of digital systems improves the quality of
life
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. People can access a substantial amount of
information
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 online.
Technology
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 gives opportunities to gain international knowledge, take online courses, learn and relax.
Moreover
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, it has enormous conveniences for living. It helps to maintain a healthy work-
life
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 balance. Banking, paying, and connecting with others have been simplified.
For example
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, people can order their needs without commitment and without staying in a queue in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different weather conditions.
To sum up
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,
technology
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 serves as a tool for simplification.
While
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 the distractions and repercussions can feel overwhelming, there are remarkable positive sites including easy access to
information
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 and convenience. The best way to avoid negative consequences is to use
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
it correctly
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The first side is there, but it needs a bit more full support.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all body parts, not only in the introduction and end.
task response
Use one or two more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are not easy to follow because of word choice. Use shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like First, Also, However, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea and explain it fully before moving on.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main message is usually easy to see.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life
  • time
  • work
  • plan
  • choose
  • many
  • new
  • tools
  • messages
  • limit
  • safe
  • learn
  • habit
  • balance
  • easy
  • hard
  • help
  • problem
  • idea
  • view
  • example
  • talk
  • end
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