IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

35.Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the advancement of technology, there are more high-tech products in families,
such
Linking Words
 as computers and
smartphones
Use synonyms
. So, a phenomenon that some children spend hours every day on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 has occurred.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze the reasons from the family environment and the
kids
Use synonyms
 themselves, and l believe that
this
Linking Words
 situation is a negative development.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
 spend more hours on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 as the education from their
parents
Use synonyms
 is inappropriate. To be more specific, many excuses are used by children in order to play on cell
phones
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as searching for educational materials and other useful information.
However
Linking Words
, most
parents
Use synonyms
 do not supervise what their
kids
Use synonyms
 do on their
phones
Use synonyms
 and how much
time
Use synonyms
 they allocate to using
smartphones
Use synonyms
, making it a chance for young people to be with
phones
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 may spoil their children, and they may meet every requirement that their
kids
Use synonyms
 ask.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 that the young distribute on
phones
Use synonyms
 is related to
parents
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the lack of
self-control
Use synonyms
 is another reason why some young adolescents spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on
phones
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, the young in their early development have a stronger curiosity and are easy to be driven by impulse, leading to them being more likely attracted by
phones
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there is entertainment information on the phone,
such
Linking Words
 as games or social media, which can provide instant satisfaction without any effort, lowering the ability to
self-control
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, facing temptations, they need help from their family to cultivate
self-control
Use synonyms
 capacity. To summarize,
although
Linking Words
 the learning process can be done on
smartphones
Use synonyms
, the lack of supervision and ability to
self-control
Use synonyms
 make them browse other messages which may be passive, affecting their mental health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is well known that playing on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can reduce their eyesight.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is a negative development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: