People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason for this? What are the effects of this habit?

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People in the past used to sleep more than today. In
this
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modern era, people are busy working longer
hours
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to earn more money and are increasingly addicted to using mobile phones or social networking websites.
Due to
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this
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, their mental and physical health are negatively affected. Nowadays, the world has become a very stressful and financially focused place. In the desire, to earn more money, people are working longer
hours
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.
In addition
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, companies have
also
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increased working
hours
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.
As a result
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, individuals are working more, coming home later, and not being able to get the required sleep.
In addition
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, the addiction to social networking websites like Instagram and Facebook is
also
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reducing the duration of an individual's sleep.
For example
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,
according to
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the W.H.O., increasing use of phones has led to an increase in sleep deprivation by 35.27%. Getting only four to five
hours
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of sleep is not considered healthy, as It can significantly affect the mental and physical health of an individual. Getting less sleep can lead to behavioural changes
such
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as
,
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apply
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irritation, grumpiness, and anger.
Additionally
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, it can cause feeling tired, drained, and lethargic. These changes can
also
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affect their personal lives, leading to mental trauma and suffering.
For example
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, sleep deprivation is used to torture dangerous criminals as it breaks them mentally and physically. In conclusion,
Due to
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the increasing workload and use of mobile phones and social media websites, there is a significant decrease in sleep leading to a rise in mental and physical issues in the current population.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider rephrasing the introduction for better clarity and a more engaging opening. You might also want to clearly state the reasons and effects in separate sentences to make it more distinct.
Task Achievement
Try to expand a little on your examples or include more specific data to support your claims. This will make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied sentence structures to enhance the fluency of your writing. It may help to break some longer sentences into shorter ones where appropriate.
Task Achievement
You clearly identified the causes and effects of reduced sleep, making your points relatable and understandable.
Task Achievement
The use of an example from the W.H.O. adds credibility to your argument and illustrates your point effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your main points, which is an essential aspect of a well-structured essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • circadian rhythm
  • insomnia
  • digital distractions
  • screen time
  • artificial lighting
  • sleep cues
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • noise pollution
  • work-life balance
  • globalized economy
  • sleep disturbances
  • prolonged exposure
  • demanding jobs
  • work culture
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