IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

organized tours to remote communities and other countris are increasingly popular. is it a positive or negative development for local people and environment

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In recent years, there has been a trend of having tours to some secluded communities or nations. The writer believes that
this
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 is a positive development
due to
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 improving the quality of residential life and natural conservation. It must be understood that the travel industry can facilitate the life of residents. Every place will have its traditions that can make the culture unique.
Due to
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 that, some companies will have a plan to invest money to popularise some kind of these cultures which makes the customers more attracted and likely to book a tour to gain more knowledge.
As a result
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, inhabitants can use
this
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 chance as the best way for business
such
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 as selling souvenirs or foods. Take Can Gio as an example, Can Gio is well-known as one of the poorest places in Vietnam and has converted into a tourist attraction earning more than billions a year from travel. Not only that, the environment can be conserved. It is known that most countries have some stunning scenery making them more famous. For that reason, they need to preserve nature making it remain the beautiful origin.
For example
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, Phu Quoc which has a gorgeous beach and biodiversity, attracts millions of people a year. Because of
this
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, the government cooperates with companies to conduct some policies for conserving beauty. In conclusion, having a trip to remote areas not only ameliorates the residential economy by selling souvenirs and using service facilities but
also
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 protects the environment
due to
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 some methods of the nation.

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Development
Make sure every paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or details. Although you've given examples like Can Gio and Phu Quoc, adding more specific details and directly linking them to your argument can strengthen your essay further.
Cohesion
Try to incorporate a wider range of conjunctions and cohesive devices to smoothly link your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the reader's understanding and make your argumentation more persuasive.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in effectively communicating your arguments.
Content
You've discussed the positive impacts on local communities and the environment in a balanced manner, which is commendable and shows a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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