IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
#line #patients #four #clinics
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph gives data about the average
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. As can be seen, the figures of
patients
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 and eye increased,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of birth control
also
Linking Words
 rose from 2010 to 2012
then
Linking Words
 it
started
Add the particle
started to
show examples
 decrease
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2014, in 2014 it again rose, and by 2016 it had risen and was almost equal to its original
number
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting Dental
Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 from 2010 to 2012 abruptly fell,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 since
2012
Add a comma
2012,
show examples
 it has increased. In 2010 the
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 control
clinic
Use synonyms
 was 250 in 2016 it was almost the same. In 2010 the
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting
eye
Correct article usage
the eye
show examples
clinic
Use synonyms
 was more or less 125 by 2016 it had been 350. In 2010 the
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 attending Diabetic
Use synonyms
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 was more than 50, by 2016
due to
Linking Words
 the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 it had been a little less than 200. And the
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
dental originally was 100 and in 2016 the
number
Use synonyms
 was roughly 180
Submitted by lilit_margaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, clinic with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: