The growing number of overweight people is putting in a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort

It is undoubtedly true that the population of overweight has increasingly risen in the

last

few decades.

As a result

, huge a burden is put on the health system. Many people believe that if there is more sports education in the

school

program, the number of overweight humans will be decreased. Personally, I reckon that

this

view has strong sides. In the first place, to tackle obesity including physical lessons in the

school

curriculum is one of the beneficial ways. The main reason for

that is

from

young

Correct article usage

a young

show examples

ages

Change the noun form

age

show examples

children will be adopting a healthy lifestyle by engaging in sport.

For instance

, through engaging teenagers in physical education they will be taught to avoid harmful activities,

such

as smoking, and eating more junk meals, which lead to obesity.

On the other hand

, daily training at

school

has numerous benefits as not cost-effective

moreover

, preventing the most hazardous diseases. Nowadays, enrolling on the gym is not cheap, sometimes these kinds of gym classes are absent in many rural areas.

For instance

, at

school

youths will teach specialists because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

there would not be injuries and there is no need to pay for

this

Furthermore

, it improves the blood circulation process and children might briskly attend lessons per day.

To conclude

, I completely agree that adding sports education to lessons is a profitable way to deal with the population of overweight.

Submitted by gulnurayau on Thu Oct 19 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

228 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of overweight people is putting in a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is a commonly held belief that the death penalty is a good deterrent to prevent heinous crimes. However, others believe that life long sentence is a better deterrent. Discuss both views

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?