IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others beilieve that the purpose of the museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #beilieve #purpose
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years,there has been a growing debate regarding what the main purpose of
museums
 should be.
While
 some assert that
museums
 should be a place where individuals can enjoy themselves as it can be a more effective way of learning
as well as
 gaining more income,others,including me,believe that the major aim of
museums
 should become to educate
people
 because it is for gaining deeper understanding and broadening horizons of
people
,not for entertaining . On the one side,it is widely believed by some that
museums
 should become entertainment places as it can be beneficial for both the museum and individuals as well.
Firstly
,if the
museums
 serve as an entertainment centre,it can attract many
people
 to there.
Consequently
,
people
 can obtain more income,which can be advantageous for the economy of the country.
For example
,there are many
museums
 in the United States which serve as an enjoyable place and more and more visitors come there for entertainment and increased revenue can be procured.
Secondly
,it is
also
 can be beneficial for individuals as it can learn about artefacts and other historical
objects
 in a more effective way.As going to
museums
 may be boring for residents,turning them into enjoying places can attract many
people
 to go the
museums
 for learning .By learning about these
objects
 in an amusing way ,the community can be aware of history without feeling bored.
On the other hand
,I would side with those who believe that the main purpose of
museums
 is to inform
people
,not to amuse them.I believe that
museums
 should enrich the knowledge of visitors and give accurate information about the history of artefacts or other historical
objects
.In
this
 case,
people
 can gain accurate knowledge about these
objects
 and can appreciate the importance of them ,which can lead to a more educated society. Taking everything into account,the question of whether
museums
 should serve as amusement centres or educational institutions has valid points on both sides.
However
,it seems to me that their main aim should be to inform the population so they can acknowledge the importance of their history
as well as
 broaden their knowledge.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language & Style
Ensure to provide more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Content & Examples
Consider providing specific, real-life examples to support your main points more effectively. This could involve mentioning particular museums or historical events that illustrate your arguments.
Task Response
You have successfully discussed both views on the purpose of museums and provided a clear stance of your own, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion, which aids in its readability and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: