IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The number of advertisements for charities on television and the internet seems to be increasing. What is causing this ? Is this a positive or negative development ? Give reasons for your answer & include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#advertisements #charities #television #internet #development
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Recently, lots of
charities
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 their figures for promotions
by
Change preposition
through
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 digital platforms
such
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 as television and the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. Through the increased rate of
advertisements
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, they would like to reach more
donators
Correct your spelling
donors
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,
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apply
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 and raise awareness among individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss the main cause of
this
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 recent movement and why
this
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 trend can positively affect our population. Most associations want to improve their popularity through promoting their voluntary
activities
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.
In these
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These
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 days, they prefer digital platforms
such
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 as television and websites for giving
advertisements
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. These media tools provide an appropriate environment to raise awareness
in
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of
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 the voluntary
activities
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 of
charities
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.
Moreover
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, these
charities
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, improving their mediatic appearance, can collect more donations for their future projects. To illustrate
this
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 donation model, "Kızılay" is a non-profit organisation in Turkey which has improved its brand value through social media channels
from
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since
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 1990. After huge investments in
advertisements
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, they would be able to collect much more money for their future events.
This
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 strategy not only surged their trust in the local media, but they
also
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 increased their total donation income. Even
tough
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though
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 there might be negative effects of the increased number of
advertisements
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 of non-profit organisations, they can easily execute to
raising
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raise
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 awareness in society.
This
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 crucial fact illustrates the importance of
charities
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,
in addition
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, and their
activities
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. Improved advertisement numbers would foster voluntary
activities
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,
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apply
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 and the donation amount.
Furthermore
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, people would join more voluntary
activities
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 and would increase their knowledge
on
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of
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 social problems. It would be a great chance to improve individuals' collective mindsets. Eventually,
population
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the population
a population
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 might
concern
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be concern
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 and be sensitive much more in terms of charity
activities
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. In
conclusions
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conclusion
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, social organisations are using different channels to reach a lot of people
through
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by
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 pumping more
advertisements
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 on television and
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 approach could
make
Verb problem
have
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on society. Giving more
advertisements
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 on the platforms could
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the appearance of associations. Ultimately, people can improve their voluntary visions from these promotions.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the progression of ideas is clear, and use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nonprofit organization
  • crowdfunding
  • philanthropy
  • altruism
  • donor fatigue
  • corporate social responsibility
  • social media influence
  • charitable giving
  • sponsorship
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • awareness campaign
  • digital marketing
  • emotional appeal
  • fundraising
What to do next:
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