IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The number of advertisements for charities on television and the internet seems to be increasing. What is causing this ? Is this a positive or negative development ? Give reasons for your answer & include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#advertisements #charities #television #internet #development
Recently, lots of
charities
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 their figures for promotions
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 digital platforms
such
 as television and the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. Through the increased rate of
advertisements
, they would like to reach more
donators
Correct your spelling
donors
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raise awareness among individuals.
This
 essay will discuss the main cause of
this
 recent movement and why
this
 trend can positively affect our population. Most associations want to improve their popularity through promoting their voluntary
activities
.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, they prefer digital platforms
such
 as television and websites for giving
advertisements
. These media tools provide an appropriate environment to raise awareness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the voluntary
activities
 of
charities
.
Moreover
, these
charities
, improving their mediatic appearance, can collect more donations for their future projects. To illustrate
this
 donation model, "Kızılay" is a non-profit organisation in Turkey which has improved its brand value through social media channels
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
 1990. After huge investments in
advertisements
, they would be able to collect much more money for their future events.
This
 strategy not only surged their trust in the local media, but they
also
 increased their total donation income. Even
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 there might be negative effects of the increased number of
advertisements
 of non-profit organisations, they can easily execute to
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 awareness in society.
This
 crucial fact illustrates the importance of
charities
,
in addition
, and their
activities
. Improved advertisement numbers would foster voluntary
activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the donation amount.
Furthermore
, people would join more voluntary
activities
 and would increase their knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 social problems. It would be a great chance to improve individuals' collective mindsets. Eventually,
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 might
concern
Add a missing verb
be concern
show examples
 and be sensitive much more in terms of charity
activities
. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, social organisations are using different channels to reach a lot of people
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 pumping more
advertisements
 on television and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
However
,
this
 approach could
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on society. Giving more
advertisements
 on the platforms could
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the appearance of associations. Ultimately, people can improve their voluntary visions from these promotions.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the progression of ideas is clear, and use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nonprofit organization
  • crowdfunding
  • philanthropy
  • altruism
  • donor fatigue
  • corporate social responsibility
  • social media influence
  • charitable giving
  • sponsorship
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • awareness campaign
  • digital marketing
  • emotional appeal
  • fundraising
What to do next:
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