Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A significant number of
people
out there hold the perception that it is reasonable for an individual to accept a bad outcome,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
another school of thought
also
share the sentiment that it is crucial to better our
lives
.
This
essay will endorse the latter view,
however
, the two opposing ideas will
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussed
show examples
after which a logical conclusion will be drawn. On the one hand, there are myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons why
people
should improve on unhappy
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
but one which is worth mentioning is success.To illustrate
this
scenario, Eric Owusu used to be a poor man a decade ago,
however
, his
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
surged when he
begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
has begun
show examples
working on his failure. He developed a technique by spending more hours at work
as well as
figuring out the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
his poor achievement. Admittedly, it is blatant that achievement
emerged
Wrong verb form
emerges
show examples
when
people
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
on their
lives
.
For instance
, research conducted by
Africa
Correct article usage
the Africa
show examples
Aid Commission revealed that seventy per cent of folks become satisfied in their various institutions when achieving their dreams.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that mankind who tend to accept bad outcomes end up involving themselves in unpleasant behaviour. If
this
trend continues,
then
without doubt, the youth will end up becoming armed robbers, drug addicts and other unscrupulous activities which can cause not only poor economic growth but
also
fear and panic to the general public. To explicate, the vast majority of Ghanaian citizens were involved in
armed
Add an article
an armed
show examples
robbery not because they were not raised in good families but rather not happy in their various companies. Despite the fact that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate is at
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
show examples
as far as poverty is concerned,
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
show examples
of various
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
can use different channels to educate
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
members on how to become successful in life. In conclusion, after examining the two contradictory views, I completely believe that
people
who end up to better their
lives
tend to become successful in life. In view of
this
, I recommend that the National Commission for Civic Education of various
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
should educate
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
members on how to better their
lives
in other to reduce
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate.
Submitted by mboadi211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and use more complex sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: