IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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A significant number of
people
 out there hold the perception that it is reasonable for an individual to accept a bad outcome,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 another school of thought
also
 share the sentiment that it is crucial to better our
lives
.
This
 essay will endorse the latter view,
however
, the two opposing ideas will
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussed
show examples
 after which a logical conclusion will be drawn. On the one hand, there are myriad
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons why
people
 should improve on unhappy
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 but one which is worth mentioning is success.To illustrate
this
 scenario, Eric Owusu used to be a poor man a decade ago,
however
, his
earning
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earnings
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 surged when he
begun
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began
has begun
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 working on his failure. He developed a technique by spending more hours at work
as well as
 figuring out the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 his poor achievement. Admittedly, it is blatant that achievement
emerged
Wrong verb form
emerges
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 when
people
works
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work
show examples
 on their
lives
.
For instance
, research conducted by
Africa
Correct article usage
the Africa
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 Aid Commission revealed that seventy per cent of folks become satisfied in their various institutions when achieving their dreams.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that mankind who tend to accept bad outcomes end up involving themselves in unpleasant behaviour. If
this
 trend continues,
then
 without doubt, the youth will end up becoming armed robbers, drug addicts and other unscrupulous activities which can cause not only poor economic growth but
also
 fear and panic to the general public. To explicate, the vast majority of Ghanaian citizens were involved in
armed
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an armed
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 robbery not because they were not raised in good families but rather not happy in their various companies. Despite the fact that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate is at
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
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 as far as poverty is concerned,
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
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 of various
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 can use different channels to educate
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 members on how to become successful in life. In conclusion, after examining the two contradictory views, I completely believe that
people
 who end up to better their
lives
 tend to become successful in life. In view of
this
, I recommend that the National Commission for Civic Education of various
nation
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nations
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 should educate
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 members on how to better their
lives
 in other to reduce
crime
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the crime
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 rate.
Submitted by mboadi211 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and use more complex sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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