In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#years #sports #stars #benefit #profile #influence

In the past few years, famous athletes have become more popular and wealthy. Some people think

this

is a benefit in increasing the profile of

sports

whereas

others think it is a negative influence.

This

essay agrees that raising

sports

stars' popularity gives advantages to the

sports

world. The popularity of

sports

celebrities can’t be denied.

This

makes children have many exposures to those people, which leads them to be motivated to become the same in the future.

For instance

, a boy looks up to Ronaldo, and

then

he starts to practice football consistently in order to achieve his dream. As the same thing will happen to other kids,

sports

just prepare the new generations.

Moreover

, on the economic side, using top

sports

stars will boost retail product advertisements

such

as shirts or shoes. The rise in

sports

product revenue will raise the sponsorship that they grant to the

sports

fields. Obviously,

this

thing will support its growth.

However

, since

sports

idols always get highlights from the media, their private lives are

also

captured. Some of them have an imperfect life,

such

as an affair or addiction to drugs, which is not good to be followed by children. To control

this

, parents should filter

this

information out of kids’ sight.

Otherwise

, the teens might follow that path of life without giving it much consideration. In conclusion, the benefits outweigh the negative influence in the aspects of spreading the spirit to achieve the dream and sponsorship for

sports

development,

while

a detrimental effect is actually manageable.

Submitted by erniwbs on Fri Oct 20 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument which is carefully supported and developed. You managed to present both sides of the argument, however, the negative side could have been expanded more with solid examples, such as case studies of sports celebrities whose negative behavior impacted their followers.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have created a well-structured argument with each paragraph focusing on one main idea. The introduction and conclusion are well-formed. However, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions and heightened cohesion between ideas. For instance, using linking words like 'additionally', 'moreover', 'furthermore' could improve the flow and connection of your ideas.

Lexical Resource

Your lexical resource is considered adequate with a range of vocabulary used accurately. However, to get a higher score, try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and less repetitive words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Your grammatical range and accuracy are noticeably proficient; however, you could aim for more varied and complex structures. This can help demonstrate your full range of grammatical capability. Specifically, try to incorporate more conditionals, subjunctives, and passive structures where appropriate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

The table below highlights data on the number of travellers using three major British airports between 1998 and 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Airport visitors, 1998-2003( millions of travellers per year)

Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

many people believe that number of unhealthy people will increase in the future, while others think it will decrease. what is your opinion?

Scientists say that in the future humanity will speak the same language. Do you think this is a positive or negative social development?