In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the past few years, famous athletes have become more popular and wealthy. Some people think

this

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is a benefit in increasing the profile of

sports

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whereas

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others think it is a negative influence.

This

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essay agrees that raising

sports

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stars' popularity gives advantages to the

sports

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world. The popularity of

sports

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celebrities can’t be denied.

This

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makes children have many exposures to those people, which leads them to be motivated to become the same in the future.

For instance

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, a boy looks up to Ronaldo, and

then

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he starts to practice football consistently in order to achieve his dream. As the same thing will happen to other kids,

sports

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just prepare the new generations.

Moreover

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, on the economic side, using top

sports

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stars will boost retail product advertisements

such

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as shirts or shoes. The rise in

sports

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product revenue will raise the sponsorship that they grant to the

sports

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fields. Obviously,

this

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thing will support its growth.

However

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, since

sports

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idols always get highlights from the media, their private lives are

also

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captured. Some of them have an imperfect life,

such

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as an affair or addiction to drugs, which is not good to be followed by children. To control

this

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, parents should filter

this

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information out of kids’ sight.

Otherwise

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, the teens might follow that path of life without giving it much consideration. In conclusion, the benefits outweigh the negative influence in the aspects of spreading the spirit to achieve the dream and sponsorship for

sports

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development,

while

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a detrimental effect is actually manageable.

kakakabroadFri Oct 20 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument which is carefully supported and developed. You managed to present both sides of the argument, however, the negative side could have been expanded more with solid examples, such as case studies of sports celebrities whose negative behavior impacted their followers.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have created a well-structured argument with each paragraph focusing on one main idea. The introduction and conclusion are well-formed. However, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions and heightened cohesion between ideas. For instance, using linking words like 'additionally', 'moreover', 'furthermore' could improve the flow and connection of your ideas.

Lexical Resource

Your lexical resource is considered adequate with a range of vocabulary used accurately. However, to get a higher score, try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and less repetitive words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Your grammatical range and accuracy are noticeably proficient; however, you could aim for more varied and complex structures. This can help demonstrate your full range of grammatical capability. Specifically, try to incorporate more conditionals, subjunctives, and passive structures where appropriate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

high-profile
grassroots
advocacy
charity work
social causes
irresponsible behavior
negative influence
commercial interests
sporting spirit
profit-driven
individual star players
team achievements

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of traveling for the traveler?

The restoration of an old building in major cities in the world cost numerous governments' expenditures. This money should be used in new housing and road development. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.

As the political and social conditions around the world are transforming, the trend of immigration is increasing day by day. What do you think what can be positive and negative impact of immigration?