In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#years #sports #stars #benefit #profile #influence

In the past few years, famous athletes have become more popular and wealthy. Some people think

this

is a benefit in increasing the profile of

sports

whereas

others think it is a negative influence.

This

essay agrees that raising

sports

stars' popularity gives advantages to the

sports

world. The popularity of

sports

celebrities can’t be denied.

This

makes children have many exposures to those people, which leads them to be motivated to become the same in the future.

For instance

, a boy looks up to Ronaldo, and

then

he starts to practice football consistently in order to achieve his dream. As the same thing will happen to other kids,

sports

just prepare the new generations.

Moreover

, on the economic side, using top

sports

stars will boost retail product advertisements

such

as shirts or shoes. The rise in

sports

product revenue will raise the sponsorship that they grant to the

sports

fields. Obviously,

this

thing will support its growth.

However

, since

sports

idols always get highlights from the media, their private lives are

also

captured. Some of them have an imperfect life,

such

as an affair or addiction to drugs, which is not good to be followed by children. To control

this

, parents should filter

this

information out of kids’ sight.

Otherwise

, the teens might follow that path of life without giving it much consideration. In conclusion, the benefits outweigh the negative influence in the aspects of spreading the spirit to achieve the dream and sponsorship for

sports

development,

while

a detrimental effect is actually manageable.

Submitted by erniwbs on Fri Oct 20 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument which is carefully supported and developed. You managed to present both sides of the argument, however, the negative side could have been expanded more with solid examples, such as case studies of sports celebrities whose negative behavior impacted their followers.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have created a well-structured argument with each paragraph focusing on one main idea. The introduction and conclusion are well-formed. However, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions and heightened cohesion between ideas. For instance, using linking words like 'additionally', 'moreover', 'furthermore' could improve the flow and connection of your ideas.

Lexical Resource

Your lexical resource is considered adequate with a range of vocabulary used accurately. However, to get a higher score, try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and less repetitive words.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Your grammatical range and accuracy are noticeably proficient; however, you could aim for more varied and complex structures. This can help demonstrate your full range of grammatical capability. Specifically, try to incorporate more conditionals, subjunctives, and passive structures where appropriate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Many people think that it would be beneficial to establish a single, global currency to make international trade and travel much easier. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Would a single currency cause any problems?

Some people think that in order to be successful in business one has to study at university, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?