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Band 7.5

Some people think we should keep all the money we earn and not pay taxes to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #taxes
Some people argue that we should keep all the money we make and not give any to the
government
 as
taxes
.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint since
taxes
 play a crucial role in funding vital public
services
 that benefit everyone in society.
Firstly
,
taxes
 are essential for financing public
services
such
 as education and healthcare. These
services
 are significant for the well-being and development of individuals and communities. Without
taxes
,
government
 will not be able to give access to
such
services
.
As a result
, the community will suffer from a lack of education or health. So, it will lead to a decline in quality and accessibility.
Besides
, the
government
 bodies have access to
taxes
 by citizens, and they allocate these funds as salaries;
as a result
, public school teachers are provided with money with the help of those
taxes
. Without these
taxes
, it is highly unlikely that the
government
 will give a handsome amount of money to state workers.
Moreover
, paying
taxes
 is a form of social responsibility. It allows individuals to contribute to the common good and support those who are less fortunate. By not paying
taxes
, people will hurt not only themselves but
also
 their neighbours and future generations because of a lack of funding for quality education, and not appropriate healthcare.
Additionally
, retired residents need pensions for their daily lives. The
government
 cannot give pensions to those from the budget of the country, which is where
taxes
 come into play. In conclusion,
while
 some may argue against
taxes
,
it is clear that
 they are essential for the funding of society. By funding public
services
, promoting social responsibility, and addressing economic inequality,
taxes
 play a vital role in creating a fair and prosperous society for all.
Submitted by lodele.0203 on

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task achievement
In order to further enhance your essay, consider adding more detailed examples to illustrate your points. While you've touched on how taxes support education, healthcare, and social welfare, providing specific instances or data can make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, you might work on varying your sentence structures more. While your essay is logically structured and ideas flow well, employing a wider range of sentence patterns can enhance readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion
Another area for improvement is the introduction and conclusion. You've done well in presenting and concluding your argument, but try to add a stronger thesis statement and a more compelling final thought. This will make your stance even clearer and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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